Monday, February 11, 2008

Who'll Take the (Crab) Cake?

(Photo Credit: Random search of Internets on "crab cake")

We won't lie to you, kids. Our reputation for excellence in electoral prognostication means too much to us to start cutting corners now. We won't sugar-coat it. We won't happy-talk it. We won't tell you what we wish we saw in our crystal balls rather than what we actually see. Can you handle the truth? Okay, here goes.

Roxie's World cannot with confidence predict that Senator Hillary Clinton will win any of the contests in tomorrow's Crab Cake (or Chesapeake or Potomac) primaries (DC, MD, VA). We say this with considerable sadness, knowing how many of our loyal readers are Clintonistas. We love the Obamaniacs and the broken-hearted Edwardians among you, and we feel for the tortured undecideds out there, but our diligent audience research suggests that most of you have drunk the kool-aid for Clinton. (Some of you had to put in a shot of vodka to make the kool-aid go down, but you did and we're proud of you.) So it is with a heavy heart that we report that right here in our very own ridiculously large back yard Senator Clinton will most likely lose -- and possibly lose big -- tomorrow.

Real Clear Politics averages show her trailing Senator Barack Obama by 22.3 points in our home state of Maryland (99 delegates at stake) and by 17.7 points in Virginia (101 delegates at stake). DC has 38 delegates, but RCP doesn't have any polling data up. No comment. As we all know, the polls have been less than reliable in this strange election season, particularly in Democratic races. (Al Hunt weighs in on that problem here.) Still, our feeling here on the ground in the mid-Atlantic is that signs are pointing to an Obama tidal wave in the tidewater region.

We did what we could to prevent it, kids. The moms went out yesterday (accompanied by a hot and high-powered enviro-politico pal of theirs) in 40-mph winds to put up yard signs and posters in high-traffic areas around Takoma Park. It was all very L Word, I assure you, except that none of them have spiky hair and they did not pull off the road one single time to engage in a spontaneous road-side orgy. The enviro-politico pal did bring along nails and a roll of tape, though. And an ax, just in case. Anyway, in further proof of their determination, Goose got up early this morning and put Clinton bumper stickers on both cars -- and you know that's a serious commitment. Finally, Moose refused to cancel her class this afternoon to allow her students to attend the big Obama rally that was held today on the Maryland campus -- because, hey, it's Monday, and why on earth should we pretend to be serious about the hard work of education on a Monday? Moose insists this was not a partisan move on her part, that her devotion to high academic standards would have resulted in her holding class regardless of the candidate or cause being rallied for at 12:30 on a Monday afternoon when she was planning on a scintillating discussion of the violence of gendering as explored in Ma vie en rose and Judith Butler's "Doing Justice to Someone." (I swear, Moose gets more Maggie Smith in The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie every day. [Insert eye-rolling icon here.])

But you know what this means, don't you, kids? If Clinton fails to take even a morsel of the crab cake tomorrow, on the heels of her several losses over the weekend, it means the long knives will be out, again. It means we'll have to endure endless dissections of "what went wrong" in the Clinton campaign and growing pressure on her to step aside "for the good of the party." It means Tweety and all the other villagers will piously and certainly declare that the bitter partisanship of the Bush-Clinton years has ended and the horrors of racism have been transcended and, conveniently, the spooky specter of post-menopausal female ambition has, for the time being, been banished. Whoooey, that was close, fellas, wasn't it?

How will we get through it, sweet children of Roxie's World? Same as we get through all our little challenges. I will do a lot of napping. Moose will type and drink and troll the internets looking for stories that will accentuate the bright side. Goose will cook and drink and laugh at all the funny lines we come up with to help keep desperation at bay. You all will point and click and drink or not drink and leave witty/encouraging/gently critical comments and links to other upbeat progressive news. We'll get through it, together, because that's what we do.

Here, for example is a happy story to help you face whatever tomorrow may bring. Wa Po includes Rachel Maddow, official Butch Goddess of Roxie's World, in a group of "Cable News's Latest Hotties" who have broken out from the pack in this intense electoral season. We are beyond thrilled to see Rachel breaking through to mainstream media stardom. We are amused that she quips that she feels that she is "dressing up like a high school principal" when she prepares to do TV, but disappointed that she thinks her most interesting fan e-mails are from "straight guys who write, 'Does it make me a lesbian if I have a crush on you?'" Um, Rache, would it kill you to read our letters? Or to do a quick label search here on Roxie's World to see how truly devoted we are to your butch fabulousness? I'm just sayin'.

Finally, we remain adamant in our refusal to link to the worshipful "Yes We Can" video produced in homage to Saint Obama, but we can never resist a good parody. This one also has the virtue of reminding Democrats that, no matter who they vote for tomorrow, the real battles lie ahead. Vote early and vote often, children. Vote your hopes and not the hype. May the best biped win. Peace out.


  1. Anonymous11:32 PM EST

    I was just about to send that parody to you! I find it irresistible. Perhaps because there *is* a war on; and McCain's rhetoric -- particularly the laugh line about bombing Iran -- is truly chilling. I think it's heuristic to be reminded of what the stakes are for this election. And, I suppose, deflation seems the more common response to the current political scene than inspiration! Peace out? I dearly hope we *can*.

    But most of all, I love the homage to Rachel Maddow. Don't forget, I knew her when she was only an infinitely crush-worthy morning radio show host. It's almost enough to make you believe in the power of raw intelligence. . . . Yes we might? Yours, lacking all conviction, but proud of y'all for continuing the struggle, dog-eared book

  2. Fear not, DEB -- We jealously recall your deep roots with the dulcet-toned dyke up there in Dickinson country. We honor you as one of the Original Love Slaves to Rachel Maddow, but we brook no quarter in the battle to establish ourselves as a bastion of Maddow-mania. That smart little tough girl can put us on a leash any time, if you know what I mean.

  3. Well, I feel such a huge huge huge disappointment. Go Hill!

    One thing that truly amazes me in this whole thing? Alcee Hastings. I do not know if you are familiar with him, but here in Palm Beach County we are very familiar with him.

    Alcee Hastings is an African American US Congressman whose district includes Palm Beach and Broward counties. He "owns" or "rules" the black vote here. Since 2000 he has been convincing African Americans to run in races EVEN WHERE THERE IS AN INCUMBENT DEMOCRAT and throwing his support behind them. Regardless of party.

    He came out for Hillary. He has not changed, as I had expected, to go with the Bark Obama pack. Maybe I have to show him a teeny weeny bit of respect? Darn. At least it is well earned in this case. Just this once.

    Each election cycle we get a bit more bruised and battered - our democratic t-shirts a bit more tattered - til we think has it at all mattered - our dreams of ovaries in the White House shattered....

    I am still holding my dog-candle in the window to help light her way.

    Keep on keepin on Hill!

    Bussie Kissies

  4. Anonymous2:01 PM EST

    For Hillary supporters, there's possibly a silver lining in tea leaves: it would not be unreasonable to hope that Hillary might become the first female majority leader in the Senate if Obama becomes President. And no matter who wins, if Gore also comes on board in some capacity (Ambassador to the Planet?), it will be one thrilling era ahead for boomer progressives!


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