Toast

(Image "borrowed" from whitehouse.org.)

Today is Laura Bush's sixtieth birthday. Let's put a paw in the air and TOAST her longevity, her astonishing ability to aid and abet the evils of her husband's administration with a steely smile on her face and a pack of cigs close at hand. To celebrate, we've got a special birthday greeting to the nation's most famous unemployed librarian from the ageless and evergreen First Lady of Popular Music, Ms. Barbra Streisand. Put on your dancing shoes, and click on this link.

On this Saturday before the midterm elections, Roxie's World has a few predictions to make about who'll be TOAST on Tuesday. We're not going out on a limb to suggest that we should prepare to say a heart-felt BYE-BYE to Pennsylvania Senator "Man on Dog" Rick Santorum, but we're also willing to venture that Virginia Senator "Macacawitz" George Allen will be looking for a ghost-writer to write his memoir come Wednesday morning. (Too bad Jim Webb will be too busy being a senator to take on that job, eh?) Moose is hoping Dems will pick up some House seats in her home state of Indiana, even if some of those races have tightened up considerably in the last week or so.

We're not making any predictions about Dems taking back the Senate, and we're still nervous as heck about our home state of Maryland, but we've got some helpful decorating ideas for Nancy Pelosi, assuming she's through "measuring the drapes" in the speaker's office. (Do you think they really do that? Don't you think it's likely they've got those measurements on file somewhere? Of course, after six years of iron-fisted Republican rule, such information is probably classified, and fabric shops in Georgetown are probably under strict orders not to take orders from Democrats. Forget the drapes, Nancy. Let's go with some nice wood blinds. Drapes are just filthy dust-catchers anyway, and they'd undermine your platform of clean government.)

What do you think, loyal fans? Will Tuesday be a tidal wave that sweeps Republicans out of office from coast to coast, or will it be a tempest in a teapot that fails to dislodge the smirk on Karl Rove's puffy face? Will the sleeping giant of the American middle class at long last awaken from the coma of voting against its own interests? Will the machines work? Will the votes get counted? Is there a snowball's chance in hell that the odious Virginia marriage amendment will be defeated? Roxie's World is dying to know what you think.

Oh, one more piece of TOAST on the non-political domestic front: Moose and Goose's beloved ten-year old Subaru may be on its way to automotive heaven. Goose was hit last Friday at the (dangerous) intersection of Larch and New Hampshire Avenues. Goose wasn't hurt, thank goodness, and the damage didn't seem to be that serious, but State Farm wants to declare it a total loss and give them $5700. Not bad for an old car, but Moose is sad. She's kind of sentimental about the big green wagon, which has been a reliable war-horse of a vehicle
that was great to have around back when Moose and Goose were buying (and hauling) sinks, toilets, and light fixtures on a daily basis. They've found someone who says he can fix the car for $3400, so we're planning to light a fire, crack open a bottle of wine, and try to decide whether to fix it or get the family a sweet new Prius for Christmas. Once again, fans, your opinions are welcome.

Right now, though, we need to go cheer on the Terps, who are trying to knock off #19 Clemson down in South Carolina. Go, Terps--TOAST those Tigers!

Pity Party

Pity poor Barney, held hostage by the "leader" of the "free" world and his highly medicated wife. (Don't you think Bush looks fat in this picture? Moose and I do. We bet there's a cooler full of beer hidden somewhere in the Oval Office and the "Decider" has been the "Imbiber" lately.)

Pity poor Moose, who has a bad cold and a head that feels like the back wheels of a fully loaded semi have been rolling back and forth across it for the past twenty four hours.

Pity poor ME, because I've got my annual skin allergy to autumn leaves, which means that I've spent an inordinate amount of time licking myself lately rather than blogging. This, I realize, is a huge disappointment to my legions of fans, but bear with us. Y'all should be out knocking on doors for progressive candidates anyway. (Or, if, like Moose, you don't feel like leaving the house this weekend, volunteer for Move On's Call for Change program.)

Pity both me and Moose, who have been without the company of our beloved Goose for almost an entire week! She has been in Texas visiting family and attending a conference, while we have been here sniffing and licking and tinkling on the rugs and eating take-out food and hoping that none of the technology in the household breaks down. We are lonely as clouds and eagerly awaiting her return tomorrow. We took a vote and have decided to revoke her travel privileges, unless, of course, she takes us with her next time to some canine-friendly destination.

And speaking of canine-friendly, here's a wonderful story about the incredible new animal shelter that has just been built by the Washington Animal Rescue League. The idea behind it is that a posh, peaceful environment will help animals recover from trauma and abuse and make them less aggressive, more relaxed, and therefore more adoptable. I am pleased to give the Rescue League a Five-Paw Rating and a Roxie's World Seal of Approval for smart, compassionate plan that is likely to result in healthier animals finding the loving homes they deserve. Hip-hip-HOORAY!

Okay, Moose says it's time to stop typing and get horizontal. The semi is starting to roll over her head again. Ouch!

P.S. Need a little more inspiration for ending the "pity party" of liberal politics in the US? Read this powerful piece by Kevin Tillman, brother of NFL star Pat Tillman, who was killed by friendly fire in Afghanistan in 2004. Kevin calls on fellow citizens to honor Pat by voting for change on November 7--the day after his late brother's birthday. (With thanks to Auntie Faye for pointing out this moving call to action.)

Right-Wing Satan Girls

Moose took me in to the vet today for a quick blood test to check on the diabetes possibility, but enough about me and my woes; let's get back to politics.

While I've been sick, a group of women whom I like to call the Right-Wing Satan Girls has been very, very busy doing their usual nasty toxic stuff in the name of their cause--which is, of course, promoting themselves. Who do I have in mind when I invoke the phrase "Right-Wing Satan Girls"? Oh, gosh, it's such a long list, headed by Satan's queen herself, Laura Bush. It's no wonder to me that Mrs. Bush is a closet smoker and drinker of bourbon. Being considerably smarter than her husband, she no doubt needs to anesthetize herself in order to go on about the business of promoting and defending the many acts of duplicity and incompetence perpetrated by his administration. My moms love it when they do things like send her off to Afghanistan to pretend that the war there was all about liberating Afghani women or stand her up at the Republican convention to paint quaint little domestic tableaus of an engaged leader reluctantly leading the nation into war. Fortunately, her sugary sweet image gets deservedly demolished every day out in the rough-and-tumble world of the internets. Check out what America's best Christian, Betty Bowers, has to say about Mrs. Bush, for example. She has an extensive collection of interviews and features related to the First Lady, including her invaluable tips on raising Christian young ladies when "you only have twenty minutes and two shot glasses." Another great resource along these lines are the wise guys (and gals) at White House.org, which also has a wickedly witty set of First Lady links. We at Roxie's World think she deserves everything she gets in the way of parody. Just think of all the Iraqi women who have been "liberated" to death by the violence unleashed in the course of her husband's unnecessary war.

Like I said, though, there are a lot of Right-Wing Satan Girls out there, women who have sold their souls to a mean-spirited conservatism that is eroding women's rights and civil rights while systematically redistributing wealth upward. Not to mention ruining America's reputation in the eyes of the world. Oh, yeah, and destroying the planet by feeding our addiction to fossil fuels. My favorite Satan Girl is Ann Coulter, who is famous for nothing but spewing a lot of toxic waste about liberals and liberalism. Progressive radio talk goddess Stephanie Miller always refers to Coulter as "noted transsexual plagiarist Ann Coulter," which makes Moose laugh and feel slightly guilty because she doesn't approve of mocking or insulting transsexuals. She decided it was okay to laugh when she realized that Coulter was the butt of the joke. As an English professor, she is deeply opposed to plagiarism, and Coulter has been accused for years of stealing words and ideas from others and passing them off as her own. The Satan-Coulter link is nicely literalized in this bit from Huffington Post's Contagious Festival.

Actually, the Contagious Festival is a treasure trove of brilliant send-ups of Right-Wing Satan Girls. See also the fabulous "Who Will Cry for Mary Cheney?" as well as the pants-wetting "Rejected Katherine Harris Campaign Video." What are these girls thinking? What motivates them to embrace all these awful ideas, not to mention the truly hideous hairstyles? And more importantly, who are your favorite Right-Wing Satan Girls, and where are they getting trashed out on the internets? Roxie's World wants to know.

We ain't dead yet, and the blogosphere has gone to the dogs, so keep barking and stay in touch.