No, You Are Not Reading The Onion

This was in Paul Bedard's "Washington Whispers," a political blog on U.S. News and World Report (picked up by way of Tennessee Guerilla Women). Dear lord, I come to you on four achy bent knees, saying, please please PLEASE tell me this is a joke. Yea, verily, I say unto you, please say it ain't (S)Obama . . . .

Bedard reports:

George Bush had his three-fingered W salute that supporters flashed when greeting him at presidential campaign events in 2000. And now, if a Los Angeles creative agency gets its way, Sen. Barack Obama will see fans meet him with his own salute like the one above. "Our goal is to see a crowd of 75,000 people at Obama's nomination speech holding their hands above their heads, fingers laced together in support of a new direction for this country, a renewed hope, and acceptance of responsibility for our future," says Rick Husong, owner of The Loyalty Inc. Husong tells me that he got the idea after seeing the famous Obama-Progress poster by artist Shepherd Fairey. "We wanted to get involved some way," he says. So, the agency came up with their own a symbol of hope and progress that also plays off Obama's name. "We thought, 'Let's try and start a movement where even while walking down the street, people would hold up the O and you would know that they were for Obama,' " says Husong. Much thought went into the relatively simple idea. "You interlace your hands in a circle, the interlacing being a symbol of different types of people coming together and the circle a symbol of unity," he says. Their design, unlike Fairey's, is free, and Husong is urging people to download it and print it on posters and T-shirts. "We want to see it everywhere, but more importantly we want this sign to take the world by storm."

Dear Mr. Husong,

Thanks so much for the thoughtful suggestion of a neat hand signal Obamaniacs can use to be instantly recognizable to themselves and others on the street. Really, though, we think the glassy eyes and the well-worn copies of The Audacity of Hype -- oops! -- Hope are more than sufficient as public signs of devotion to the Great Leader. For the time being. Once the formalities of the election are behind us, we may wish to take up your idea on a somewhat larger scale. We are thinking a constitutional amendment mandating that the O salute take the place of that ridiculous hand-over-the-heart maneuver whenever the Pledge of Allegiance is spoken may be in order. The Pledge itself will be re-written, of course, because it seems pointless to have people pledging allegiance to a republic when no one but Pat Buchanan understands what a "republic" is anymore. We are sure citizens will be much happier pledging allegiance to President Obama with their hands pointing toward heaven in a circle of unity. Brilliant idea!

We will be in touch, Mr. Husong, and we thank you in the meantime for your dedication to the One. Er, the cause.

Yours Sincerely,
Obama For the Universe -- oops! -- America

Wake me when it's over, people. This old dog needs a long, deep nap. In the meantime, you may amuse yourselves by coming up with captions for the incredibly provocative salute poster or witty alternative designs that might involve other hand gestures. Just a thought. If you come up with something really clever, perhaps we'll steal the idea and market it through our new company, Disloyalty Inc. Have at it, kids.

Are We Having Fun Yet?

As a matter of fact, we are:

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

WTF, kids. Click and giggle. It will help the Clintonistas among you let go of the last remnants of bitterness. It will help the Obamaniacs fight off that sense of dread you have about which position your guy will abandon next and how incredibly boring his veep choice is likely to be. It will help the 48% of voters suffering from what our favorite pollster Andy Kohut has termed "Obama Fatigue," the weary, icky feeling that you've seen way too much of this guy, and the election is still three months and several trillion campaign commercials away! We feel your pain, fellow citizens. Please, senator. Go on vacation. Now.

Paris, a grateful nation thanks you for giving us a way to distract ourselves until the Olympics start on Friday. By the way, girlfriend, we may be an old dog with a shaky grasp of the issues, but we think your energy proposal makes a lot of sense. We predict Obama will be flacking it as his own idea by the end of the week. Love you. Mean it.

Update: Howard Fineman endorses Paris's energy proposal in Newsweek column! "We need Paris because her cheerful and sensible approach to the energy problem . . . is a lesson in leadership to the two 'real' presidential candidates," Fineman says. "Paris's message: don't stress, don't dis each other's ideas, let's just try everything! It doesn't get any smarter than that." You read that right, kids: Paris Hilton is a lesson in leadership. We are officially down the rabbit-hole or well on our way to Hell in a hand basket.

Does Your Mother Know?

ABBA-maniacs will appreciate today's Song of the Day here in Roxie's World, which goes out to Donna Brazile. Why? Well, it's not like you ever need an excuse for sending a song out to a hard-working tough girl like Donna, but sit down, take off your disco boots, and we'll tell you the back story.

Here's what Roxie's World was saying on May 30, 2008, on the eve of the meeting of the Democratic National Committee's Rules and Bylaws Committee. The meeting was convened to resolve the problem of Michigan and Florida, which had held primaries earlier than the dates set by party rules and had thus been stripped of their delegates to the convention:


(Which, by the way, is pretty much what Hillary Clinton was saying, all the way back in January.)

And here's what RBC member, superdelegate, Obamaniac, and media whore Donna B. had to say at that meeting as she helped engineer a deal that would seat half of each state's delegates and award MI delegates to Barack Obama when his name did not even appear on the ballot in that state:

My momma taught me to play by the rules and respect those rules. My mother taught me, and I'm sure your mother taught you, that when you decide to change the rules, middle of the game, end of the game, that is referred to as cheatin.'

(Text of the quote is here. Vid is here, and Donna pulls out the Momma card about 2:50 into the clip.)

And now, in one of the biggest "Never Minds" the world has seen since Saturday Night Live's Emily Litella tragically disappeared from the cultural scene, Senator "Change You Can't Keep Up With" Obama has announced that Michigan and Florida should not get spanked by Momma after all. Here's the full report on the latest flip-flop from the Obama campaign from the New York Times' "The Caucus" blog:

It seems like another lifetime ago, but remember all the fuss about Michigan and Florida?

After those states held their primaries in violation of Democratic Party rules, the party cracked down on them and said their delegates would not have a voice at the national convention in Denver. Then in May, the rules committee agreed to let their delegates have half a vote each.

Now Senator Barack Obama, the party’s presumptive nominee, has asked the credentials committee to let the two states have full voting rights at the convention after all.

The request is likely to be granted since it comes from the all-but-certain nominee, who now controls the party apparatus.

The move was not unexpected. No nominee could afford to alienate the delegates, and voters, from two such important states.

Moreover, Mr. Obama had essentially promised the two states that he would seek to restore their full voting strength, as we wrote on June 2 after the rules committee restored only half a vote to each of the states’ delegates.

Why would their voting strength matter when it is clear who the nominee will be?

Because, as Senator Carl Levin, Democrat of Michigan, said at the time, party conventions do more than pick a nominee; they also begin to establish the framework for the primary calendar in the next presidential election. And Michigan, for one, has been trying for years to topple Iowa and New Hampshire from their first-in-the-nation voting perches. Having full votes at the convention will give Michigan more power to pursue that agenda.

At the same time, Mr. Obama’s “request” to restore full voting strength to Florida and Michigan is likely to cause heartburn for party officials, who have struggled to maintain some authority over the primary calendar.

By granting Mr. Obama’s request, the party will essentially be giving a green light to other states to ignore the calendar next time because there will be no consequences.

The credentials committee is to meet Aug. 24, the day before the convention begins in Denver, to determine who will be seated.

In a letter today to committee officials, Mr. Obama asked that a resolution be passed to entitle each delegate from Florida and Michigan to cast a full vote.

The party must be united in the fall, he said, adding, “To that end, Democrats in Florida and Michigan must know that they are full partners and colleagues in our historic mission to reshape Washington and lead our country in a new direction.”

The party sent back a noncommittal response noting that it had received Mr. Obama’s request.

“We deeply appreciate and value Senator Obama’s perspective on this important issue,” the Democratic National Committee said in a statement. “This matter will be the top priority for the credentials committee when we meet on August 24th. As always our goal is to ensure a fair process and a unified Democratic Party so that we can win in November.”

The status of the two states was an explosive issue throughout much of the primary season. Back then, the Obama camp was on the other side, arguing that the two states broke the rules by moving up their primaries and should be punished.

His chief rival, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, had received more votes in both states but Mr. Obama had taken his name off the ballot in Michigan, and neither campaigned in Florida.

Mrs. Clinton had campaigned fiercely for the delegates in Florida and Michigan to be given full voting status, hoping this would legitimize their primaries, which in turn might bolster her argument that she had won more popular votes than Mr. Obama. Still, she trailed him in delegates, which is the standard by which the nominee is chosen.

The whole subject remains a sore point with some Clinton supporters. But Mr. Obama’s letter today seems timed to try to minimize any damage, coming almost two months after Mrs. Clinton threw her support to him and after it appears unlikely that she will be his choice for vice president.

Later in the day, Mrs. Clinton urged the party to grant Mr. Obama’s request to restore full voting rights for Michigan and Florida. Here is her statement:

During the campaign, I strongly advocated for the Democratic Party to seat the Florida and Michigan delegation with their full votes. The Democratic Party has always stood up for the principle of counting every person’s vote. Today, Senator Obama has requested that the Credentials Committee give Florida and Michigan delegates their full votes. This is the right position for the Democratic Party and for the country and I urge the Credentials Committee to restore full votes to Florida and Michigan delegates.

No word from Donna today on what her momma thinks about this latest adjustment in the rules from the Obama camp. Should we call it Change That Suits His Interests? Change That Has Us Heaving? Change That Is Making It Harder With Each Passing Day for Us to Imagine We'll Be Able to Cast a Vote for This Slippery, Hypocritical, Not-Really-Pro-Choice, Not-Really-Anti-War Candidate? Yeah, we think we'll go with that, even if my typist will complain bitterly about its length.

Meantime, just in case Donna and her momma have both changed their tunes on the importance of sticking by agreed-upon rules, we offer up another classic pop tribute to maternal wisdom from the inimitable Captain and Tennille. This one, of course, emphasizes the importance of keeping your options open, of getting what you want, of sizing up and seizing good opportunities. Sing it with us, pretty boys and broad-shouldered girls. You know Momma hates it when you don't sing along:



Update: Momma orders you to go read Bob Somerby, immediately, on the subject of the self-destructive ludicrousness of the left's insistence last week that McCain's celebrity ad and the right's caricature of Obama as arrogant and presumptuous was "all about race" when, in fact, the right has been caricaturing white Democratic candidates in exactly the same terms for decades. It's a longer, smarter version of the case we were making here the other day. He even takes up Digby's notion of dog whistles. Go. Read it. Now. I'm sure your mother taught you to listen to Momma.

Without You, We're Nothing

Never let it be said that the loyal members of the pack here in Roxie's World don't have their own excellent noses for news. Today's mail bag brings us these tasty treats from dogged readers all over our vast empire -- Well, from MD and MA anyway.

• Dog-Eared Book writes in from Maddow-landia (western Mass., home of Butch Goddess Rachel Maddow) to let us know that today is Swiss Independence Day. Why is that news in Roxie's World, you ask? Because the Swiss are famous for their neutrality, and Roxie's World, as careful readers know, is officially neutral on the question of whether to vote for Barack Obama for president or stay home and catch up on e-mail on election day. Let's put our paws in the air and send a big yodel out to the Swiss as they celebrate their national day. Yep, here's to the Grutil Pact of 1291!
• Thanks to Facebook, we have an update from our favorite Obamaniac, Eitan, on a weird local story we've been following on reports of a cougar on the campus of our own Queer the Turtle U. That's right -- a cougar! Here's the story, with vid, from the Baltimore CBS affiliate. It hasn't been confirmed yet, but police are tracking the creature on the ground and from the air. Cougars, you may or may not know, are pretty scarce in these parts. Intriguingly, the species that used to be found in the eastern part of the U.S. is known as the Eastern Puma. We were wondering if there might be any significant political implications to reports of a PUMA prowling wooded areas of the national capital area. Gives you a goosebump or two, doesn't it?
• Speaking of the Butch Goddess, the Official Prep School Teacher of Roxie's World sent in a YouTube of Dr. Maddow smacking down Pat Buchanan on MSNBC over a quote attributed to Obama (and cited yesterday on Roxie's World). It's fun to see Rache in full-on butch/bitch mode, but we don't think the quote has been fully discredited (though there is debate about Obama's intended meaning), and we still don't think it is always racist to call Obama presumptuous. And, no, we are not defending Pat Buchanan, though there are days when he sounds a whole lot less insane than he used to.
• Aunt Katie phoned in yesterday before coffee to make sure we caught the day's installment of Doonesbury. It's had a hilarious series this week on Rick Redfern's coverage of Obama's international trip and Joanie Caucus's reaction to Obamania and Hillary Clinton's defeat. We'll offer yesterday's strip as the eye candy for this post and cross our paws that the copyright cops don't come calling. Sh-h-h-h.

Peace out, legions, and have a glorious weekend. Keep the tips and quips a-comin'.

Playing in the Dark

(With apologies to Toni Morrison, but it had to be.)

Moose insisted we were not going to post today. "Nope, Rox," she said, "noop, nuh-uh, not gonna do it." She was so determined not to post that she decided today would be the day she re-organized drawers and closets and polished her jewelry in advance of the fall semester. When I pointed out that she hadn't even ordered her books for fall and suggested that the sudden interest in sweaters and earrings might be an avoidance tactic, she shot me one of those frightening "Mommie Dearest" looks that made me think I might be next in line for cleaning and polishing if I didn't get out of her way. I snuck downstairs for a nap while she was looking for an old toothbrush to help get the tarnish off those hard-to-reach spots on a brooch she inherited from her beloved grandmother Jane.

To tell you the truth, I can understand Moose's blog-avoidance today. I mean, if we were to post, we'd have to weigh in on the utter nonsense that has now completely overtaken the presidential race and all the commentary about it. McCain is a racist! Obama is playing the race card! The word "presumptuous" is part of a complex racial/racist code that you need a dogwhistle to understand!

Dogwhistle??? Digby -- o great and powerful and blazingly intelligent politics 'n media blogger whom we revere more than just about anybody in the 'sphere -- have you lost your mind? I mean, look, I get the whole concept of the dogwhistle, being a dog and everything, though I've never actually heard one and probably couldn't hear one now, being nearly deaf and all, and of course you're right that Republicans have developed a pretty sophisticated system for appealing to racist sentiments among some voters without being obvious or explicit enough to offend everybody else, but does that mean that every time anybody uses the word "presumptuous" to describe Barack Obama they are telegraphing the idea that he is "uppity," as in, "an uppity N-word?" Really? Digby?

The guy is 46 years old. He spent 143 days in the United States Senate before launching his presidential campaign. He gave speeches behind an ersatz presidential seal and celebrated his presumptive (if I may) nomination by taking an international tour in which he met with heads of state. Of the crowds who turned out to see him in Europe, he said, "I have become a symbol of the possibility of America returning to our best traditions." I dunno, Digby. Call me crazy, call me racist, or call me an old dog with really bad hearing, but that all sounds pretty darned presumptuous to me. I even checked the OED, and it says that "presumptuous" means "unduly confident or bold; arrogant, forward, impertinent, overweening." I suppose you could add the word "uppity" to that list of synonyms, but does that mean that "presumptuous" is always racist when used in reference to an African American? Or only when the speaker is white, in which case, well, I'm just really confused?

Help on old dog out here, Digby. I'm trying to wrap my paws around this whole whistle conundrum you've set up. Roxie's World was critical of Senator Obama through much of the primary season and has grown more deeply disappointed with him since that season ended on June 7 with the formal suspension of Hillary Clinton's campaign. Much of our criticism has been directed at what we have judged to be considerable evidence of presumptuousness on Senator Obama's part. He rubs us the wrong way because his confidence often comes across to us as arrogance. His efforts to appear and act "presidential" suggest to us that he thinks his election is a foregone conclusion. Voters are mere spectators to a show whose ending has already been written. Does that mean we've been blowing the dogwhistle without knowing it? Can a dog blow a dogwhistle, Digby?

Boy, I'm really starting to understand why Moose didn't want to post today. I can see why she just wanted to toss up a few links and tell you to

• Go read Historiann. She's got a great piece up on a hilarious/pathetic open letter The Nation has published begging Obama to "stand firm on the [allegedly progressive] principles he so compellingly articulated in the primary campaign." Quick, quick! More Kool-Aid, more Kool-Aid! My brain is starting to work again, and it hurts!
• Go read Lanny Davis's Wall Street Journal opinion on why Obama should select Hillary for veep. It may be tinkling into the wind at this point, but we still think that's the winningest ticket Dems could put together this year. It would be foolhardy for the party to ignore evidence in recent polls that Obama has still not closed the sale with a lot of voters and sheer lunacy to suppose that the closer is likely to be the anti-choice Tim Kaine, the homophobic Sam Nunn, or the beyond-bland Evan Bayh. Not even the Hoosier in our household can get behind that sleep-inducing possibility.

Here's the thing, kids. It's a long way to November. Voters will justifiably tune out in disgust if this thing turns into a playground brawl over who's playing the race card. Such a brawl demeans both the candidates and the process in which they are participating. Our language and all the semiotic systems that shape U.S. culture are so thoroughly racialized -- one might even say racist-ized -- that it is almost impossible for any speaker to make a criticism of a person of another race that doesn't seem racially charged. Which is not to defend McCain's stunningly stupid "celebrity" ad linking Obama to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton or the obnoxious new rap by Ludacris that calls Hillary Clinton a bitch and urges African-American voters to paint the White House black. Those are examples of entirely avoidable idiocies that you don't need a dogwhistle or a decoder ring to figure out.

We get that the progressive blogosphere is on high alert, ready to blow up the Swiftboats of racist innuendo that are sure to be headed in Senator Obama's direction. Nonetheless, we confess to being depressed indeed by the prospect of the long daze of summer being followed by a discontented autumn of charges, counter charges, and long-winded commentaries upon the charges as the nation loses itself in a pointless game of pin the tail on the racist. Such a game will do nothing to ameliorate the deep and real problems of structural racism, and it will likely be of little help in motivating voters to get to the polls in November.

But, hey, I guess it'll be a whole lot more fun than trying to figure out the differences between the candidate who thinks we should stay in Iraq for a hundred years and the candidate whose plan to "end" the war in Iraq turns out to be a plan to accelerate the war in Afghanistan. Yo, dudes -- Spin me 'round in a circle, and hand me that tail. I got a game to play!

The Wedding Planners

Newsflash!!!

Bi-coastal battle for same-sex wedding biz heats up as MA legislature repeals 1913 law that had prevented non-resident queers from marrying in MA!

Gov. Deval Patrick has indicated he will sign the repeal and vows to challenge California for the coveted title of Homo Nuptial Capital of the USA! "Hell, yes," Patrick said when asked if he supported the repeal. "We want queers all over these United States to know that Massachusetts realizes gay money is GREEN, and we want those homo dollars to come pouring into our great commonwealth. There is no reason on earth for San Francisco and Napa Valley to suck up all that gay disposable income when we have perfectly elegant B&Bs and progressive churches all over the state -- from the rolling hills of the Connecticut River valley in the west (also known, I am told, as Lesbian Land) to the sandy tip of Cape Cod in the east, where the tea dances never stop. Come one, come all -- Massachusetts is open for the marriage business!"

The Massachusetts Office of Economic Development also announced today that as soon as Gov. Patrick signs the bill, the state will change its motto from the decidedly un-queer, "Ense petit placidam sub libertate quietem" (Translation: "By the sword we seek peace, but peace only under liberty") to the much more festive-sounding, "You're here? You're queer? Get MARRIED!"

No word yet on how California plans to respond to this unexpected challenge to its recently staked claim to the national gay marriage biz, but Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger was reportedly considering a nuclear attack on the Bay State. "Damn those chardonnay-swilling East Coast liberals," he thundered. "Those pansy dollars are MINE!"

(Story picked up by way of Pam's House Blend, but the full scoop is in Bay Windows.)

Note to Readers: Every word of this story is true, with the possible exception of the quotes attributed to Gov. Deval Patrick and Gov. Arnold Shwarzenegger, and, oh, yeah, the stuff about changing the MA state motto. That bit about California nuking Massachusetts, though? We're standing by that one. If it ain't true yet, it soon will be. Hell hath no fury like an Ah-nold scorned.

Up to No Good(ling)

(Photo Credit: Mark Wilson, via NPR; Monica Goodling testifying before Congress in May 2007 about her role in the firing of nine U.S. attorneys.)

The guys in Clicks and Eyeballs were puzzled earlier today by a number of hits to Roxie's World from Google searches on Monica Goodling and Leslie Hagen, who figured in an April post we did called "In Justice," which focused on the termination of Hagen, a contract attorney in the Department of Justice under Alberto Gonzales, who was let go because Goodling, a senior aide to Gonzales, believed Hagen was a lesbian. Finally, the nerds over in research did a little sniffing and clicking around and realized that Goodling and Hagen were back in the news because DOJ's inspector general released a report today on Goodling's illegal politicization of hiring practices at Justice during her brief reign of error in 2006-07.

Goodling was White House liaison to the Justice Department and seemed not to grasp the crucial distinction between political appointments and non-political career positions, which are supposed to be walled off from partisan political pressures. Ms. Goodling, a 1999 graduate of Pat Robertson's renowned Regent University law school, used in-person interviews and Internet searches to try to determine the political beliefs and associations of people applying for career positions. She routinely (and illegally) asked candidates for non-political positions the same questions (about, for example, their political philosophies and why they wanted to serve President Shrub) that were asked of political appointees. Goodling resigned from Justice in April 2007 and acknowledged in testimony before Congress that she had probably acted illegally in vetting candidates for career appointments.

New York Times' report on the IG's report is here. dday blogs the report and Goodling's ignominious legacy here. If you go read the full report, which again is here, the section on the firing of Leslie Hagen, though she is not named, is on pp. 133-38.

What's the takeaway on this sordid little episode from the fat, tawdry annals of corruption in the Shrub years? Well, for starters Roxie's World stands by the idea, pitched here in April, that Jodie Foster should make a movie out of the melodrama of the Christian law-breaker versus the Sapphic do-gooder, assigning herself the role of Leslie Hagen and getting Gwyneth Paltrow to co-star as the evil, bottle-blond Goodling. Can't you just see it, people? Work with us! Secondly, we think Goodling is a powerful reminder of the dangers of government being taken over by ideologues who are so blinded by devotion to a cause or an individual that they see themselves as exempt from obedience to the law. Now, why should that be on our minds? Gosh, jeez, I don't know, kids. Couldn't tell ya. Long summer evenings spent sipping wine down by the fish pond have perhaps warped our judgment, made us forget that a new light has broken upon the world and we shall no more live in darkness. The rising waters shall recede, and the sick shall be healed -- but who will be making hiring decisions at Justice, and how will they be made? Will "our" side be any less cynical in its manipulation of rules and procedures than "their"side has been in the last eight years? Will hard-working dykes be able to do their jobs without worrying they will kicked to the curb should their private lives become political liabilities?

Unseemly questions, I know, but you can't blame an old dog for remembering that human beings, regardless of party, are pretty much alike. You may mean well, but you have a nasty habit of assuming that having opposable thumbs means you actually know what you are doing. Think about that before you commit your hearts or your votes to anything or anyone. I'm just sayin'.