Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Tuning In/Out (Live!) to Melissa Etheridge

Caption this (kinda blurry) photo, which does indeed show rocker Melissa Etheridge sandwiched between Moose and Goose backstage last night at Baltimore's Pier Six Pavilion:

(Photo Credit: Emily Rodgers, 8/9/11)

What? You're surprised to see a couple of humble English profs consorting with a Grammy Award-winning mega-dyke? On a Tuesday night? You're shocked to see Moose 2.0 in the arms of a woman with a, um, reputation for getting around with the ladies -- while Goose looks on with a smile? You didn't imagine that Moose's new wardrobe included sexy belts and at least one Peter Pan/Robin Hood/Jane of the Jungle-type tank top?

Well then, darlings, it's possible you don't know the wimmin of Roxie's World quite as well as you thought you did, isn't it?

Here's the scoop, you brave and crazy gals and non-gals: The Moms have the good fortune to be represented in the Maryland House of Delegates by the awesome and openly gay Heather Mizeur, who just happens to be good buddies with Etheridge. (Because, yes, all lesbians know all other lesbians and hang out with them on a regular basis. Which is why Moose has spent the better part of thirty years waiting for Jodie Foster to call, dammit!) The meet-and-greet with Etheridge was a fundraiser for Mizeur. The Moms were happy to contribute, because Heather is the real deal, a politician who truly believes in government of, by, and for the people. We see a great future for her and look forward to being seated in the friends' box when Heather is sworn in (by, uh, Chief Justice Elana Kagan) as the first openly lesbian president of the United States of America. Moose is already trying to decide what to wear.

Anyhoo, dolls. You are probably dying to know what they talked about and what morsels of gossip they picked up among the dyke-erati. The Moms impressed Melissa by recalling that they had seen her at the Bayou in Georgetown way back in the day -- 1988, Etheridge was quick to recall, before she had really broken through to popular success. (The Moms credit one of Goose's very first grad students with bringing Etheridge to their attention -- and getting them down to the Bayou that evening.) A totally unexpected bonus was that Etheridge's new partner, Linda Wallem, was also in attendance last night. Wallem is a TV writer and producer who co-created Showtime's spectacular Edie Falco vehicle Nurse Jackie. Moose did not quite get down on her knees to thank Wallem for designing and developing one of the most extraordinary female characters in the history of series television, but she came close. Wallem, we are pleased to report, is a funny, friendly gal. We wish her and Etheridge many years of attracting and captivating one another.

Oh, and the concert? Fabulous, of course. Etheridge, who turned fifty in May and faced breast cancer seven years ago, still rocks her guts out on stage. We think even Comrade PhysioProf, who usually takes strenuous, visceral, Anglo-Saxon exception to our musical taste, would have enjoyed the show, which was loud and tight and kept the audience on its feet all night. It was a sweaty, satisfying evening, which is more than one can say for a lot of Tuesday nights in Baltimore, n'est-ce pas?

Now, aging rockers, about those captions you are going to write: Hop to, will you? You come up with some pithy lines of dialog, and then we will tell you what Moose was actually saying as the world's most famous lesbian rock star wrapped her bare shoulders in a vise-like grip, while her partner of 27 years looked on with delight. Go on. We know you weren't really planning to work this afternoon. Go on and close your eyes, imagine yourself there last night. You know you want to.

Peace out.


  1. Moose wasn't SAYING anything. She was depositing a major smootch on sister Melissa.

  2. If Comrade PhysioProf hasn't gotten here first, I'll say it:

    YOU TWO FUCKIN' ROCK!!!!!!!!

    Because of your politics, of course. And when is sister Kagan going to give us the reveal?

  3. Could be, Rosemary, but Moose is not the kind of girl to kiss and tell, of course.

    No, YOU rock, TR, and I bet you roll a little, too. Thanks for the shout-out in the Twitterverse. And Kagan? Well, I ain't holdin' my breath waiting for that girl's coming out party, but who knows? Maybe if she met Moose and Goose in a dressing room somewhere . . . .

  4. If kagan meets you 2 in a dressing room, give her some pointers on how to dress, ok?? She's right out of the Janet Reno School of Fashion.

  5. Day-um. I'm all kinds of envious. I saw the amazing Ms. Etheridge way back circa 1989/1990 in a just-a-tad-bit-larger-than-wee venue in Toronto. Repeatedly. Maybe Moose is just swooning a bit?

    Also: Delegate = awesome.

  6. Yeah! I like Ethereidge!

    But you are so fucken ripped, it looked like you were ripping her fucken arm offe! And what the fucken fucke is that huge fucken E on your legge?

  7. Stop the presses! We talked about music and PhysioProf didn't want to hurt himself! Melissa Etheridge is a uniter, not a divider!

    Oh, and the E on Moose's leg is her backstage pass. Look closely at Goose's chest. Moose didn't want to mess up the look of her Peter Pan/Robin Hood/Jane of the Jungle-type tank top with the sticker, so she put hers on her leg. To assure, you know, there was nothing to detract from the appearance of those bare, ripped arms. ;-)

    @Digger: We will neither confirm nor deny that Moose was swooning, but she did shower when she got home.

    @Rosemary: Happy to help Kagan on wardrobe, though of course we love us some Janet Reno around here. She's a hero to the Tall Girls with Short Hair. Who Wrestle Alligators.

  8. ML was saying:" You do know how to whistle, Ms. Etheridge, don't you? You just put your lips together, and blow."

  9. Yahaha -- oh, Joe, how did you know?

  10. Nice try, Joseph, but close scrutiny of the photograph suggests that Moose is speaking not to Etheridge but to Goose. Sources close to the scene insist she was saying, "Honey, we had always agreed we would make exceptions to the monogamy clause in our relationship for incredibly famous lesbians who showed an interest in one or the other -- or both! -- of us. I think Ms. Etheridge clearly meets the criteria for that exception. Clearly!" The smile on Goose's face suggests she concurred in that assessment. Fortunately.

  11. No, Goose is singing, along with her ole pal Bruce, "you can look, but you'd better not touch. . . ." And the spanakopita was good, too.


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