Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Why We Drink (Tuesday Edition)

We think it's possible John McCain's jaw may well explode within the next hour, and so we will drink.

We can't stand that Barack Obama is now dropping "g"s off the end of his words, in a blatant attempt to be as folksy as the moose-hunting former mayor of Wasilla, and so we will drink.

We suspect that what is left of our retirement income will be gone by the end of the week, and so we will drink.

We are reasonably certain that a perfect Tom Brokaw imitation will get Moose through tomorrow's lecture on Three Guineas, because perfect imitations of George Bush and Sarah Palin got her through Monday's lecture, and so we will drink.

Join us, children. Bartender Peter Coffin is serving up a fine bordeaux here at Ishmael's, the cozy yet seedy bar around the corner from the global headquarters of RW Enterprises, LLC. Come drown your sorrows or celebrate the chope and hange that will soon be unleashed upon our broke and broken-hearted land. What else could you possibly be planning to do?

Special Note from the Department of Say Something Nice: Obama is wearing a gorgeous suit, and Goose, who is something of an expert on such matters, wholeheartedly approves of his tie.


  1. Anonymous11:22 PM EDT

    Hi Roxie--wish I could lift one with you & the gang. (Or shall we just hang our heads in the toilet bowl and do it that way?)

  2. Nah -- No olives in the toilet bowl, Historiann -- and that's one of the major food groups. Wherever you are, just click your heels together three times and say, "There's no place like Ishmael's," and, voila, you are there!

  3. Mind-numbing, these "debates." Hard to believe that something could be more boring that George W. & John Kerry, but these two manage to do it. So our audience members are playing with their iPhones (WOW! -- Moose, can we get ours this weekend?), trying to figure out how many stripes each of them have on the INSIDE linen (or whatever it is) strip of their ties (it's the way quality is marked in such things, gang), and wondering if we'll ever have a politician with enough vision and courage to say, "look, if you are making a decent living, I'm going to have to raise your taxes; it's the only way we can pull together. And we're leaving militarism behind: that's SO 20th century." But neither one of these guys is gonna do that, and so I find myself wondering which way will do the least damage as they dig our collective hole deeper. If my taxes would go to feeding the hungry, clothing the poor, universal health care, education, environmental sense, and the hard work of peace, they could have 50% or more of every paycheck. But no one has the guts or vision to do any of that. . . .

    So I am left, wishing for more, much more, and much better,

    PS - Let's bring on the Delaware-Maryland crabcake smackdown!

  4. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

    At risk of sounding ageist, didn't McCain seem doddering? "My friends," this freaks me out because it makes a Palin presidency sound more and more likely if the Republicans win in November.

  5. Roxie, I invented a drinking game for the debates. That still didn't make it any better.

    Maybe sometime I'll see you on the trail of which you are mayor?

  6. Welcome to Roxie's World, Clio B! Are you a resident of the People's Republic of Takoma Park, too? You may spot my moms down on the trail, but I prefer to get my exercise in my ridiculously large back yard these days. Age has its privileges, and between blogging and being mayor I really don't have much time.

    But what were the rules of your drinking game? Just trying to stay awake during that debate was so hard that we pretty much forgot our rules.

  7. I'm not exactly a resident of the People's Republic -- I live only a short distance away -- but I do work there!

    Drinking game rules (I confess to adding them as the debate progressed):

    If they repeated anything verbatim from the previous debate, drink.

    If they did not answer the question, drink.

    If McCain said anything about Iraq that Richard Nixon could have said about Vietnam, drink. (He very nearly said "peace with honor.")

    Reference to prisoner of war status = drink.

    "Change," "hope," or "maverick" = drink.

    Tax cuts as a cure all = drink

    "Cut government spending" as a cure all = drink.

    My goal is to fall asleep from alcohol poisoning before falling asleep from boredom. Not a healthy plan, but the evening becomes more interesting.

  8. Oh, yeah, you'd have gotten good and drunk playing by these rules! You'll have to stop by Ishmael's for our next debate watch. We're waiting for that moment when one of the candidates looks at the camera and says, "Folks, we are so totally screwed, so absolutely up the creek without a paddle that I honestly don't know what to do. Vote for the other guy, would ya?" If that happens, we'll down a fifth of anything and call it a night.


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