Thursday, May 24, 2007

A Child Is Born

(Photo Credit: White House [!!!]; Lynne and Vice President Darth Cheney with their sixth grandchild)

Paws up for Mary Cheney, kids. She finally popped her little bun out of the oven. Wa Po reports that Samuel David Cheney was born yesterday at Sibley Hospital in Washington. (Sardonic aside from Moose: What, wouldn't any of the hospitals in Cheney's home state of Virginia allow for same-sex spawning in their sacred delivery rooms?) (Sardonic aside from MSNBC's Keith Olbermann: The state of Virginia was named last night's Worst Person in the World for denying Cheney's partner, Heather Poe, parental rights to the child she and Cheney will be raising together.)

We've been racking our brains here in Roxie's World trying to decide how to commemorate this extraordinary occasion. We don't want to involve ourselves in all the crass speculation about how the child was conceived, though we did notice a fascinating story in the paper this week reporting evidence of reproduction through parthenogenesis in female sharks. When Moose saw the headline, "Female Sharks Can Reproduce Alone, Researchers Find," she thought perhaps the story had something to do with Mary Cheney. Interestingly, news of Samuel's birth broke hours later. Coincidence? We think not!

Having grown up with two moms myself, I should probably offer little Samuel some free advice. Hmmm, let's see. If both moms are going through menopause at the same time, don't just leave the house -- Leave the planet. It ain't pretty. If you're lucky enough to have one mom who is a disciplinarian (or a "Moose," as in "Mussolini") and one mom who is a freedom schooler (or a "Goose," as in "Mother Goose"), then you're in for a lifetime of fun playing them off against each other. It's a great game, Sammy, and you're the winner every time! If the kids at school make fun of you for having two moms, just smile at them and say, "It's okay -- My grandpa's a huge Dick."

On that crude note, let's pause for a moment to imagine Baby Cheney's First Words. What will it be like for this child, growing up in a political family that has sold its soul to a party devoted to denying him the same set of rights, privileges, and legal protections that children born into other types of families have? What will little Samuel have to say when his tender mouth can finally form words? How about something like. . . :

  • Wait, Grandpa, don't shoot!
  • It's a free country! You can't send me off to Gitmo for refusing to eat my vegetables.
  • Wow, Mama Heather has one heck of a pitching arm. I think those years as a forest ranger were good for her upper-body strength.
  • Mother Mary, why won't Grandpa stop the war? Everybody says he started it.
Now, that is an excellent question, Samuel. Why won't Grandpa Cheney stop the war? Or, why, if he and the Bubble Boy president can't get out of their delusional states, won't someone else? Why can't anyone put out the fire that was lit by the lies and fear-mongering of this administration? Why can't Democrats stiffen their spines and figure out a way to do what the vast majority of the American people say they want done? (Latest Times/CBS poll reports that 76 percent say that the additional American troops sent to Iraq this year by Mr. Bush have either had no impact or are making things worse there.)

Memorial Day is this weekend, kids. In addition to pulling your white shoes out of the closet and coming up with your own witty contribution to the Baby Cheney's First Words Contest (sure, let's have one -- Why not?), Roxie's World urges you to read the following articles and to DO something that in some small way can move our nation toward peace. How much more blood can you stand to have on YOUR hands?

  • Read this powerful story by Wa Po reporter Darragh Johnson on Section 60 at Arlington Cemetery, where 336 men and women killed in Iraq and Afghanistan have been buried. It's a touching analysis of how the rawness of the families' grief has transformed the subdued space of Arlington into a messier yet more deeply real space of living, communal sorrow. It brings the war home in vivid fashion.
  • Check out my moms' colleague Marshall Grossman, holding forth in Huff Po on the Democrats' reluctance to put teeth in their opposition to the war.
  • Keith Olbermann also had a "Special Comment" on last night's show calling Democrats to account for collaborating in prolonging the war. It's hard-hitting and righteous, as usual.
  • Join in John Edwards' Memorial Day call to support the troops by ending the war. You can search for local actions going on in connection with this effort. Props are due to Edwards for his leadership on this issue, even if it is motivated by a desire to tack to the left of Clinton and Obama on the war.
That's all for now, folks. Happy grilling and happy hell-raising. If Molly Ivins were here this Memorial Day, she would remind you that citizenship is not a spectator sport. She's not here, so Roxie's World is proud to remind you for her. Peace out.


  1. Dearest Rox -- This just might be your BEST POST EVER, though it's damned hard to select one. (I wonder if Moose heard me laughing out loud? I did so several times. . . .) Won't it be fun if little Sam turns out to be a Democrat? ROCK ON!!!

    Let there be peace on earth. . . .and let it begin with each one of us. I keep thinking about the young national guard soldier who was in my Intro to Literature by Women class, Rox. He was shipping back to Iraq yesterday (he's been there before). He looked sad and told me that he was going to get "a really good tan" this summer. I want to push the Dems to act on behalf of the people and bring all our soldiers home. "War--what is it good for? absolutely NOTHING." (We sang that back when folks were being killed in our names in Viet Nam; that's where our sweet friend Aaron was born.) But of course this Iraq is not really a war; it's an occupation, and a damned bloody one at that. And that's not good for anything either.


    In peace,
    Your Goose

  2. Anonymous5:59 PM EDT

    Let the record show that Roxie's mommies did NOT go through menopause at the same time, as this post implies. Loyal fans know that Goose is much, MUCH older than I am. She went through menopause a couple of years ago, largely without incident except for some impressive night sweats. I, on the other hand, am barely at the beginning of what promises to be a prolonged adventure in hormonal fluctuation that will probably drive all of those who love me to seek separate, more peaceful planets, so perhaps Roxie's post wasn't so wide of the mark. Just wanted to set the record straight, as it were.

  3. Gosh, Moose, aren't you the one who taught me that a girl should never let the truth stand in the way of a good joke??? I think someone is just a little bit sensitive!

  4. Anonymous12:48 PM EDT

    Well, most human pups start off with "mama," so that will probably be Sammy Cheney's first word. And it will be very nice that neither parent has to feel slighted when he says it.

    But I prefer to think ahead a bit to when he produces his first multi-sentence discourse: "Mommies, what did Mr. O'Reilly mean when he said, 'The failures of the previous administration were--and I've said this all along--failures of competence, not failures of conservatism, because of course Bush, whatever he may have been, was not a conservative'?" And why did Uncle George's left eye start twitching when he said that? And why is Grandpa going red like a beet? Are Uncle George and Grandpa going through menopause together?"


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