Friday, November 18, 2011

Seasonal Musings

Are all gourds merely decorative, mother f_ckers? We ask, knowing full well that a butternut squash is not, technically speaking, a gourd, but, well, still, gourds and squashes are in the same family, according to noted botanical expert Wik E. Pedia, and we've had this butternut squash sitting out on the counter for weeks now, and Moose chortles to herself every time she catches a glimpse of it because it seems not terribly useful from a culinary standpoint, its thin neck not offering much in the way of squashy stuff, yet not entirely useless from other possible standpoints that one might imagine if, say, one's brain had been warped by overexposure to psychoanalytic theory in the course of one's training as a professional reader of texts -- or if one happened, on some long ago and probably drunken evening, to have heard a hilarious parody of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" that culminated in the declaration that, "A thing's a phallic symbol if it's longer than it's wide, / As the id goes marching on!" (Melanie performs it here. Go on. We'll wait for you to listen.)

Anyhoo, darlings, it's the Friday before Thanksgiving, which means that my typist has a scholarly article to finish and 37 tabs open in her browser as she cruises the interwebs in search of just the right combination of decadence and point value for this year's Lifestyle-Adjusted holiday table. We'll close, therefore, by wishing you well on your own holiday planning, inviting you to let us know what you will be serving up this year, and showing you a picture of the aforementioned butternut squash so that you can help us to answer the burning question with which this post began:

Are all gourds merely decorative, mother f_ckers? Inquiring minds want to know. Peace out, and have a, um, stimulating Friday.

(Photo Credit: Moose, 11/18/11)


  1. As far as I'm concerned, both gourds and squashes can go fucke themselves. Or, for that matter, they can go fucke each other!

  2. What took you so long, CPP? We figured you'd be on this post quicker than you could say, "It's decorative gourd season, mother f_ckers!"

    So, what are you and PhysioWife whipping up in the holiday kitchen this year? Turkey risotto? With butternut squash?

  3. I've had your squash's cousin sitting on my counter for, oh, about 3 weeks now. I see that you can get them chopped up now, but that would cut out all the heavy cleaver duty involved in hacking them up, and what would Thanksgiving be without flying cleavers?

  4. Indeed, Undine. On a perhaps not unrelated note, the phrase "flying cleavers" makes me think, "Gosh, if only the Beaver and his family had been acrobats. That would have been, like, a totally different show, wouldn't it?"

  5. That made me laugh out loud! A different show, indeed.


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