Saturday, July 18, 2009

Sunny Saturday News Roundup

Because My Typist Will Go Mad If I Don't Let Her Close a Few Tabs in Her Browser Edition

1. Death Takes No Holiday: Sadly, the summer of celebrities dropping like flies continues, with word last night that legendary newscaster Walter Cronkite has bitten the dust at the age of 92 in New York City. Those of you under a certain age probably can't appreciate the scale of this loss to a generation of TV babies who grew up in a time when news was news and not infotainment. When Cronkite choked up during a live broadcast on Nov. 22, 1963 announcing the death of President John F. Kennedy (see photo at right and this vid), some of us were as shocked to learn that men could cry as we were to hear that presidents could die. Thank dog a man of Cronkite's keen instincts and good sense presided over the birth of television news. Would that his lack of ego and his commitment to striving for objectivity had prevailed in his profession. RIP, Mr. Cronkite.

2. Big Dawg Rolls Over on Same-Sex Marriage: Yep, it's true. Former President and signer of the Defense of Marriage Act Bill Clinton has announced that he has finally realized queers are no greater threat to the sanctity of marriage than he is. Michael Tracey reported in The Nation earlier this week that Clinton recently "replied in the affirmative" when asked if he supported same-sex marriage. His support is a fairly pale shade of lavender, as he still considers it a matter that should be settled by individual states rather than a full-on purple issue of equality before the law, but the declaration matters. Clinton is the biggest of big Dems who have recently found the nerve to state any kind of public support for marriage equality. (Tracey mentions "former Democratic National Committee chair Howard Dean, New York Senator Charles E. Schumer, New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine, and Connecticut Senator Christopher Dodd" as others who have recently shifted positions on the issue.)

3. No Slings, Several Possible Arrows: Meanwhile in Hillary-land, the secretary of state emerged this week from the semi-seclusion caused by her recent elbow injury to give a major speech at the Council on Foreign Relations (transcript and vid here). It was a fine speech, vintage Clinton -- rock solid, in command of the issues, delivered without wearing a sling -- but we predict the SOS will need a few more Vicodin to get through the tedious, moronic round of utterly vacuous stories speculating on whether her elbow has temporarily sidelined her or she's actually being marginalized in the Obama administration. Oh, for crying out loud, people. Shut up! Please make yourselves useful. Go write stories on whether the Pope's broken wrist means that whole infallibility thing may be horse manure after all.

4. Yawn: Silver-Tongued Prez Opens Mouth Again: Yes, Barack Obama gave a great big speech at the 100th convention of the NAACP on Thursday night. (Vid here. Transcript here.) A friend of ours who was there declared it "electrifying," and the tape suggests that's an accurate description. We didn't blog it sooner because we no longer think it's news when the Greatest Orator In the History of Speechifying makes a crowd go crazy with his lofty eloquence, especially when he goes all black-churchy and starts talking about the good old days when parents felt entitled to "whup" another person's child if they saw it "fooling around." Good times, people, good times. And I am sorry, Kool-Aid drinkers, but our hearts no longer go pitty-pat when the prez aims his pretty words in our direction with a couple of nice lines about "our gay brothers and sisters, still taunted, still attacked, still denied their rights." By whom, Mr. President? Do you by any chance refer to your own DOMA-defending Department of Justice? No? I didn't think so, but we appreciate that you left out the word "lifestyle" this time.

5. White House Opens Office of Persona Management, Mark Twain Not Amused: Proving that imitation truly is the sincerest form of flattery, the New York Times published an Op-Ed this week written in the voice of Bo Obama, First Dog of the United States, taking stock of his first hundred days in the White House. Reached for comment on this obvious ripoff of America's favorite dog blog devoted to politics, pop culture, and basketball, Roxie's World director of OPM Mark Twain uttered a string of profanities not printable on a family-friendly dog blog while sipping whiskey on the patio at Ishmael's, the seedy yet cozy bar around the corner from the global headquarters of RW Enterprises, LLC. My typist was more diplomatic but nonetheless underwhelmed. "Look, Rox," she said between bites of nachos, "this whole imagine-you're-a-dog business is not as easy as it looks. It's clear this New Yorker dude doesn't know the first thing about it. I mean, please -- That ending: 'Excuse me: I must chase a ball.' Oh, wow -- The brilliance! The originality! You are killing me, man!" "Please, Moose," Twain interjected at that point. "Let's order another round and change the subject. This fool clearly has less than a teaspoonful of brains, and you are hogging the nachos. Waiter!"

And that’s the way it is today in Roxie's World, kids. Peace out and dog bless.

1 comment:

  1. Nice roundup, Rox! Would that news reporting adhered to Walter Cronkite's standards. Would that Big Dawg would just come right out and give same-sex marriage and big HURRAH, YES. . .but we'll take what he gives, and love the way you characterized his change of opinion--"he has finally realized queers are no greater threat to the sanctity of marriage than he is." Oh yeah. And the cooked up stories about the SOS supposedly being marginalized are yet more witnesses to the fact that it is summer and those with Clinton Derangement Syndrome need a nice chardonnay to calm themselves down (Andrea Mitchell, I'm talking about you; and don't worry, we'll give you a straw for sipping since we are well aware that all the surgery makes moving your lips too widely such a chore--that must be why you are always saying several contradictory things out of the sides of your mouth). HRC's speech was substantive, strong, and everyone should read it/listen to it. As far as our Prez. . .promises, promises are sounding more and more empty. Now's the time to spend some of that political capital, POTUS. NOW. And aren't you proud of yourself, Rox--the NYT couldn't come close in its pale imitation of you. Maybe we should have Bo over for a play date, whatchathink?

    Nice readin' this mid-July Saturday afternoon, sweet Rox. Thanks for the grins and the exhortation of those who say but are too cowardly to DO.

    with much love,
    Always your GOOSE


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