Endorsements & Predictions

Ceci n'est pas une endorsement -- But it might not be a bad idea:

(Photo Credit: Linda Davidson, Washington Post; Brenda Waters at an Obama rally in Virginia Beach, VA, 10/30/08.)

We've spent the weekend gazing into our crystal water bowls here in Roxie's World, kids, and here's what our crack team of canine/queer political analysts, prognosticators, and make-up artists (as in, "When we have no idea what to think, we just make something up") is prepared to say about Tuesday's general election. We expect our smarty-pants legions of loyal fans to offer up a few predictions of their own in comments, so put on your pundit caps and have at it. Plan to spend Tuesday evening right here with us, downing cocktails and half-priced appetizers at Ishmael's, the seedy yet cozy bar around the corner from the global headquarters of RW Enterprises, LLC. Polls close in the battleground states of Indiana and Virgina at 7 p.m. Goose is predicting that we'll know who the winner is by 8:13. Moose, who studies these things much more carefully, thinks Chris Matthews will explode from the effort of not declaring Obama the winner by 7:51. I predict both moms will be drinking Boston Sidecars, a delicious beverage they tried for the first time last night, and may not even notice when the election is called, but, here, without further ado, are Roxie's World's Endorsements, Predictions, Hunches, and Gut Feelings about Election 2008 (praise dog it will soon be over!).

• We endorse and predict the defeat of John McCain and Sarah Palin as president and vice president of the United States. McCain has run an ignoble and at times incoherent campaign that has offered voters half-hearted calls for a continuation of economic and foreign policies that have proven to be tragically unsuccessful in the past eight years. He deserves to lose, and he will.
• We endorse and predict the defeat of Republican candidates up and down the ticket in blue states, red states, purple states, fuchsia states, and magenta with islands of cerulean states in a repudiation of the party that is fully deserved and in our judgment long overdue. The tidal wave will sweep Elizabeth Dole (NC) and John Sununu (NH) out of the United States Senate, and it may well drown Norm Coleman (MN), but we don't see Dems quite getting the 60 seats they need to have a filibuster-proof majority.
• With all our paws and toes crossed, we endorse and predict the (bare) defeat of California's Proposition 8, which calls for amending the state's constitution to disallow same-sex marriage. Latest poll shows the No vote at 50%, but 3% of likely voters are still undecided. This one will hinge on turnout, which is why we don't want Tweety to call the election too early and make Dem voters think they don't need to show up in California.
• With an acute sense of conflict between our convictions and our self-interest, we endorse a No vote on the Maryland state ballot measure that would legalize slot machine gambling -- but we predict the measure will pass and won't be broken-hearted if it does because we are sick and tired of the slots issue being used as a way to avoid dealing with the state's revenue problem. Pass it, and then let's face up to the realities.
  

What, you want more? You want us to go out on a few limbs and make some really bold predictions about toss-up states and the really tight races? Why? So you can come back here on Wednesday and force us to dine on crow casserole again, as poor Moose had to do after her predictions about the Texas and Ohio primaries proved to be so wildly incorrect? Ah, what the heck. It's not like any of the real pundits ever has to pay for being wrong. Here we go.

• Popular vote, presidential election: Obama is going to make it over 50%. We'll say he's going to get 51.2% -- and if he does, every one of our loyal readers has to promise to tell five friends that Roxie's World is the best darn political blog in the nation. Deal?
  
• Electoral vote, presidential election: UVA's Larry Sabato is predicting Obama will come up with 364 electoral votes to McCain's 174. He probably has a whole team of researchers and incredibly complicated metrics (whatever those are) to help him come up with his predictions. Moose read the paper this morning, and she's gonna give Obama 347 to McCain's 191. Why? Because that's what FiveThirtyEight.com editor Nate Silver predicted in Wa Po's Crystal Ball Contest, and she liked his picture.
• Toss-Up States: North Carolina is Gobama. How do we know? Because the Moosians in the Tar Heel State, who changed their party registrations to vote for Hillary Clinton in the primary, have decided to stick with the Dem in the general. Moose's home state of Indiana will keep us up late on election night, no matter how early the polls close. As it was in the Dem primary, the Hoosier state will be a nail-biter. There has been some great analysis on why the reliably red state is up for grabs this year, and Moose got a little teary over an Indy Star story about 80-year-old Birch Bayh stumping for Obama in her native state, but we have a hunch McCain might eke out a win here. If he doesn't, we reserve the right to change our predictions about the scale of Obama's popular and electoral victories.
• One Close Race: What the heck. We think Gov. Christine Gregoire will pull off re-election in Washington. Sabato and most of the Post pundits are with us on that one.

Closing Thoughts: It's been a long, strange journey, hasn't it, fellow citizens and loyal fans? We've trudged virtually together through the snows of Iowa and New Hampshire and the searing sun of, oh, you know, those really hot states. As we approach the moment of decision, the moment when the magic and the majesty of democracy will assert itself in millions of individual acts of choice and, yes, hope, we want you all to know that, though we never officially endorsed Barack Obama's candidacy, we will celebrate his triumph, should it come, and welcome his presidency as an historic achievement and a vital political opportunity -- for the Democratic party and the American people. In the days to come, we will not hesitate to hold our party and the nation's leaders-in-waiting to account, to urge them to be bold and just, to move quickly to demonstrate that they deserve the faith that is about to be placed in them. Tonight, though, as we contemplate the scale and significance of the transformations about to occur, we pause to savor the sense of amazing possibility and close with the words of former Wa Po writer Donna Britt, who came back to her old paper this morning to offer these thoughts on the possibility of the United States electing its first African-American president:

For one shining moment, let's call a halt to our red-blue bickering and predicting. Rather than glancing back at our racist past or peering into our uncertain future, we'll allow ourselves a brief celebration of now. We'll be brave and reckless enough to be happily surprised by one undeniable change:

Against all sensible odds and reasoned predictions, untold numbers of Americans of every persuasion have opened their hearts, minds and souls to the possibility that a black man is the best choice to lead them. Whatever happens, an immeasurable amount of light has illuminated our darkness. Once such doors have been pried open, it's hard shutting them as tightly as before.

That's a change worth believing in.

Amen, sister. Vote early and often, kids, and we'll see you back here on Tuesday. Peace out.

Nerves of Jell-O

Moose's home state of Indiana is about to go Democratic in a presidential election for the first time since 1964, and, still, Dems are as jittery as a chihuahua on crack, worried that the party might succeed yet again in stealing defeat from the jaws of victory.

Prognosticators are falling all over themselves trying to find similes epic enough to predict the scale of what is likely to happen on November 4 -- It'll be a grand slam (for Dems)! It'll be a blood bath (for Repubs)! -- but the party faithful are trembling in the pews, certain that if something can go wrong, it will go wrong. The Bradley effect! Nasty Republican voter intimidation schemes! A terrorist attack launched from a remote corner of Alaska! Cindy McCain endorses Obama, unleashing a wave of voter sympathy that will reverse the tide of history!

Oh, for dog's sake, people, will you relax already? Look, if through some combination of tragedy, farce, and evil doing, Barack Obama manages not to be elected president in nine short days, Roxie's World already has a convenient explanation that can save Dems the paroxysms of blame and recrimination that would surely accompany such an astonishing reversal of fortune. Forget the circular firing squads. Forget the effigies of Howard Dean or Nancy Pelosi or David Axelrod or Hillary Clinton. Forget the bitter, drunken, late-night debates about the 50-state strategy, Biden's gaffes, and Palin's demonic, folksy charm. If Obama loses and you need someone to blame, you just watch this video and it will all be perfectly clear.



There now -- Isn't that better? Isn't it comforting to have a scapegoat picked out in advance? Isn't it nice to know that you won't have to waste one precious ounce of brain power trying to figure out what went wrong? If Obama loses, it won't be the fault of voters' racism or the party's abandonment of core constituencies or PUMAs or the inexperience of the nominee. It'll be Goose's fault, and we can all live happily ever after, in whatever country we decide to flee to if John McCain becomes president. So calm down, darlings. We have a scapegoat and a plan. And an average lead of nearly 8 points in national polls with just nine days to go. Al Franken is going to the Senate. Liddy Dole is going into retirement. And the Obama girls will be going to junior high school in Washington, DC. Deep breaths, darlings -- Deep, cleansing breaths, a couple of stiff drinks, and a good, hearty laugh every day between now and November 4, and you will be just fine. We promise, and you know that dogs never lie. Peace out.

(H/T to Moose's girlhood pal, Mel, who knows that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.)

Friday Night YouTubery

Ya know, if John McCain were half as good a campaigner as he is a comedian, he might just have a shot at this thing. Watch him cutting up at Thursday evening's Al Smith Dinner at the Waldorf Astoria. Vid's in two parts, and you should watch both. McCain is genuinely funny, his timing and delivery both impeccable and his material far more compelling and coherent than his campaign has been. Don't take our word for it. Watch.

Part I:



And here's Part II:



In the interest of bipartisanship, here is Senator Obama's competent but not nearly as funny bit. He does manage some good self-deprecation ("If I had to name my greatest strength, I guess it would be my humility," he says during a section in which he helps voters get to know him better. "Greatest weakness? It's possible that I'm a little too awesome."), but on the whole he seems far less at ease in the role of comedian than McCain does. Even as he mocks his high and mighty public image, one senses that the Precious takes Himself just a little too seriously to be entirely comfortable in the role of clown. Or maybe jokes are always funnier when the underdog is telling them. Wev. Here's the President-in-Waiting:



Oh, and if McCain won the comedy smackdown, Obama continues to lead in the endorsement race. Wa Po weighed in today, and rumors are flying that retired Gen. Colin Powell may endorse Obama in an appearance on Meet the Press on Sunday. Meanwhile, America's favorite dog blog devoted to politics, pop culture, and basketball continues to drive the Obama campaign and many of its loyal readers crazy by refusing to endorse the senator from Illinois while praying fervently for the defeat of McCain-Palin. Perhaps in the next couple of weeks we will find time and words to explain our inexplicable stance, but, in the meantime, relax. Obama is so far ahead in Maryland that nobody's polled here in a month. The registered voters of Roxie's World will do whatever they do or don't do on Nov. 4, but they will be dancing with you in the streets on Nov. 5 to celebrate the coming end of the long, sorry reign of Shrub and Darth Cheney. That, my friends, will be a day of rejoicing, and we look forward to spending it with all of you, regardless of what you do in the privacy of the voting booth. Peace out.

Update: LA Times endorses Obama in tomorrow's paper. And we bring you the news today, because we know you count on us to be the speediest news hounds in the 'sphere. ;-)

What We Drink: Cheap Beer

Pitchers of Pabst are half-price this evening at Ishmael's, the seedy yet cozy bar around the corner from the global headquarters of RW Enterprises, LLC. The third and -- mercifully -- final presidential debate is underway.

Joe the plumber is here. He's drinkin' free and bombed on his butt.

How's by you? This time, Goose isn't even impressed with Obama's tie. Oh, boy. Wake me when it's over.

Why We Drink (Tuesday Edition)

We think it's possible John McCain's jaw may well explode within the next hour, and so we will drink.

We can't stand that Barack Obama is now dropping "g"s off the end of his words, in a blatant attempt to be as folksy as the moose-hunting former mayor of Wasilla, and so we will drink.

We suspect that what is left of our retirement income will be gone by the end of the week, and so we will drink.

We are reasonably certain that a perfect Tom Brokaw imitation will get Moose through tomorrow's lecture on Three Guineas, because perfect imitations of George Bush and Sarah Palin got her through Monday's lecture, and so we will drink.

Join us, children. Bartender Peter Coffin is serving up a fine bordeaux here at Ishmael's, the cozy yet seedy bar around the corner from the global headquarters of RW Enterprises, LLC. Come drown your sorrows or celebrate the chope and hange that will soon be unleashed upon our broke and broken-hearted land. What else could you possibly be planning to do?

Special Note from the Department of Say Something Nice: Obama is wearing a gorgeous suit, and Goose, who is something of an expert on such matters, wholeheartedly approves of his tie.

Pre-Debate Pub Crawl

(Updated.)

There is enormous relief at Ishmael's, the seedy yet cozy bar around the corner from the global headquarters of RW Enterprises, LLC, over the news that Republican John McCain has relented on his threat to bail out of tonight's scheduled presidential debate if there wasn't an agreement on the plan to force American taxpayers to rescue the irresponsible fat cats in the financial industry who seem intent on bringing you Great Depression 2.0. Fortunately, after yesterday's big confab at the White House, where McCain spent 40 minutes saying not much of anything, the Republican nominee awoke from his nap and realized he was running for president. He announced this afternoon that sufficient progress had been made in the negotiations to allow him to tear himself away from the cesspool of Washington and participate in the debate after all.

Ishmael's proprietor Peter Coffin is relieved because he recently pulled down some of the grimy old oil paintings (fishing scenes, mostly) that for decades had adorned the walls of his place and installed a bank of gleaming new plasma TVs as part of his effort to bring in a more up-scale clientèle. He was planning to debut the TVs tonight in a big debate watch with a Hawaiian-themed happy hour -- a clever marketing device and an homage, of course, to Barack Obama's birthplace. (You'll recall that Peter had an Alaska-themed happy hour a couple of weeks ago, in tribute to GOP vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin. Peter is a fair-and-balanced kind of guy, and Ishmael's is a cheerfully post-partisan establishment. No matter who takes office in January, 2009, Peter will be ready from Day One to take their money and keep them drunk.)

(Image Credit: AllPosters.com)

So the debate is on, and Peter is behind the bar, checking on his supplies of rum, curaçao, pineapple juice, and strawberries, hoping he'll be moving a steady stream of Blue Hawaiis and Lava Flows all evening long. He had to take out a second mortgage on the place to finance the TVs, and he has a hunch Congress won't be willing to come to his rescue should his happy-hour plan not succeed.

As Peter works and worries, the new TVs flicker with an assortment of images. Conveniently, they are tuned to different channels, and each shows a different story Roxie's World has managed to overlook in the course of a busy week. Luckily for us, our faithful readers have been tuned in and sending us a steady stream of gentle suggestions, most of which boil down to, "WTF, Roxie? Why aren't you paying attention to this?" We hear you, people, and we appreciate your noses for news. Let's take a look at Peter's big TVs, 'kay?

You are correct, Roxie Fan and Dudley's Human, we somehow managed to miss the metamorphosis of CNN's Campbell Brown into the feistiest chick in American political journalism. Let's call her Femme Non-PhD to distinguish her from MSNBC's Rachel Maddow, still known in these precincts as Butch PhD, even if we are grievously disappointed by what we've seen of Maddow's new star vehicle of a show. So far, Maddow is proving to be as in the tank for the Democratic nominee as all the boys on MSNBC, which has made their recent political analysis worth about as much as a share of Washington Mutual. Meantime, Brown has been offering political commentaries that are crisp, incisive, and edgy without being mean. They are a refreshing alternative to the unilluminating ravings of MSNBC's overly righteous and under-medicated Keith Olbermann. Take a listen to Brown going after the McCain campaign for keeping Sarah Palin away from the press. She rightly calls such protectionism sexist and demands that the campaign "free Palin" and allow her to stand on her own to face the scrutiny such a high-level candidate deserves:



You go, Alma Dale! We like the spunk and the smarts.

On the next screen, we've got a clip of Diane Schroer, the transgender woman who recently prevailed in a sex discrimination suit against the Library of Congress, which rescinded a job offer to Schroer after learning that she was transitioning from being a man to a woman. Schroer is a retired Army colonel and former special forces commander who specialized in tracking international terrorists but was denied a position as a terrorism research analyst with the LOC's Congressional Research Service. She won earlier this week in federal court, and Congressman Barney Frank, in his latest act of contrition for betraying the trans community in last year's battle over ENDA, immediately wrote to the Library urging it not to appeal the judge's decision. (H/T to a beloved Homo Librarian who works deep in the bowels of the federal government and keeps us up to date on what's happening on the Hill.)

Congratulations and a rousing chorus of "(You Make Me Feel) Like a Natural Woman" to Schroer, who tells her story in this video by the ACLU, which represented her in her suit:



Oh, and speaking of Barney Frank, let's pretend that we have video of him getting off the best line of this busy week, apropos of McCain's decision to suspend campaigning because of the financial crisis. Frank said of the move, "It's the longest Hail Mary pass in the history of either football or Marys." Oh, Barn, we love it when you go all camp on us! (H/T to T'Other Homo Victorianist, who feeds us even if he doesn't read us.)

Finally, because happy hour is fast approaching, and Peter thinks a music video will warm up the early birds, here's something else our pal Dudley sent our way, a very goofy song on the defenders of marriage by funny man Roy Zimmerman. We recommend it because we are in awe of anyone who can find a way to work a line like "two people who want to provide a protected and nurturing family environment" into a song. We'll have to see if we can get Zimmerman to join in our next game of Palintology. Betcha this guy could write one heckuva Palin-ode:



That's it for now, kids. We've still got a bunch of stuff in the mailbag, so don't get all hurt if we didn't work yours in here. Not everything is suitable for a Friday afternoon happy hour post, but the weekend has just begun. Settle down on this barstool right next to us, and order yourself some Coconut Shrimp to go with that Lava Flow Peter just sat down in front of you. C'mon, gentle readers. You know the Friday rule of Roxie's World: Belly up to the bar -- It's five o'clock somewhere. Bottoms up!

Update: We're not the only ones planning to drink our way through tonight's debate. Check out these excellent rules for a presidential debate drinking game, picked up on Feministe by way of our blog pal the Red Queen. Here's a teaser, just to give you a sense of the game:

• Every time someone mentions “hope” or “change,” drink.
• Drink double every time the mention of “change” comes from McCain.
• For every mention of “my fellow Americans,” drink.
• Every time the candidate steers away from the question asked to highlight his own talking points (we call that a Palin), drink twice.
• For every mention of “Main Street,” drink.

Feel free to add rules of your own. Our suggestion? Every time someone makes a positive reference to George W. Bush, take a huge drink, because it may be your last chance!

Palintology

We’re gearing up for another Friday happy hour at Ishmael’s, the seedy yet cozy bar right around the corner from the global headquarters of RW Enterprises, LLC. Alaska is on the menu at Ishmael’s today, because barkeep Peter Coffin has decided to capitalize on the whole Sarah Palin phenomenon in hopes of bringing in a more up-scale clientele. The bloggers, profs, and grad students who tend to hang out here drink the cheap stuff and seem to think “tipping” is a city in China, if you’ll pardon a little bartender’s humor. Anyway, today’s half-price drink is the Alaska Martini, a potent mix of gin, chartreuse, and orange bitters guaranteed to take the chill off a cold northern night. Appetizer specials include Bering Sea Shrimp, Alaskan King Crab Tempura, and – Mark Twain’s personal favorite – Mexican Moose Dip, a hearty concoction of moose burger, Velveeta cheese, onions, and salsa.

So grab a stool, place your order, and join in the fun as the denizens of Ishmael’s launch a brand new bar game aimed at gauging the cosmic significance of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin’s stratospheric rise to the top of the American political scene. What are the cultural, literary, and linguistic consequences of such a sudden emergence? The game is called Palintology, and our crack team of lit critters and assorted other readers of the zeitgeist is ready to play. Object of the game? To amuse ourselves until we’re too drunk to care that Democrats seem poised, once again, to steal defeat from the jaws of victory in a presidential election. The game begins, appropriately, with the sound of a high-powered rifle shot that qta downloaded to his laptop. BOOM! And away we go!

Something new in the culture of course requires a new lexicon. Roxie's World has already added "palin-dromes" to the new word order, and with this post we offer up "palintology" for your consideration as well. Additionally, however, Moose and Mark Twain have labored hard this week, as reports of shifting poll numbers and hysteria among Dems mounted, to come up with a word that conveys the full-on freak-out unleashed by the rise of Sister Sarah. Here's the word they came up with:

palination: N. paroxysms of indignation, befuddlement, and wounded vanity as the faux-gressive bloggerboyz, Dem strategists, and liberal media whores (see, for example, big-shouldered Donna Brazile on CNN Wednesday night) absorb the shock of seeing Senator Barack Obama’s lead disappear as Republican vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin transforms the landscape of the 2008 presidential campaign. Symptoms include gnashing of teeth, anxious second-guessing of vaunted Obama team's wisdom and strategy, and vicious denunciation of any vagina-equipped voter who utters the name "Sarah Pailin" without immediately denouncing her as an anti-feminist cretin who will destroy everything Hillary Clinton stood for. See also cross-palination: the process by which Republicans who saw no sexism in media treatments of Senator Hillary Clinton during her presidential campaign suddenly see it everywhere in the treatment of Gov. Palin. Palin herself, who accused Clinton of whining during the primary battle and now benefits from the GOP assault on the media, is a fine example of cross-palination in action.

A new cultural phenomenon also produces new literary forms -- or revitalized versions of old forms. Or that's what the English profs 'round here say. And thus we have the palin-ode. (Click on that link if you don't know what a palinode is. Trust us -- It will heighten the pleasure of what you're about to read.) (H/T to Candy Man, the official prosody consultant to Roxie's World.) Two examples will illustrate the form:

Palin-ode I, by John McCain

How do you beat the bitch? Some asked
I answered them with laughter
And now the bitch the Dems can’t beat
Is mine forever after!

Palin-ode II, by Barack Obama

Sarah Palin’s not a pig
And I did not imply it
But if I had I guarantee
I’d hasten to deny it.

Jokes and other forms of humor also always accompany the emergence of a new cultural force, and Sarah Pailin has earned deserved praise for her skill with a quip. Roxie's World has some pretty decent quippers on staff, though, and we think we've come up with a better joke than the one that has earned the chick gov such acclaim. We offer it up to all those Dems whose cages have been rattling ever since Palin came on the scene:

Q: What’s the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull?
A: If a pit bull scares you, you can have it killed.

Pass it on, kids. We don't get paid for this stuff, so the least you can do is help us to achieve some fleeting glory on the internets.

We'll end with a couple of funny cartoons, passed along to us by a newly naturalized citizen of Roxie's World who shall be known in these precincts as GlassPen until such time as we get to know her better and can come up with something of our very own. Thanks for adding to the collection of, um, Paliniana, GlassPen, and thanks for entering our world. There's a free drink waiting for you right here at Ishmael's. Happy weekend, everybody.

What Goes Around Comes Around

Lambert said it, not us, so if it upsets you, don't shoot the messenger, 'kay? Just think about it, as you ponder all those new polls released today and continue to gnash your teeth over what Dems should do between now and Nov. 4:

[I]f it’s legitimate to vote for Obama as a blow against racism, regardless of his policies, then it’s equally legitimate to vote for Palin as a blow against sexism, regardless of her policies. And if it’s legitimate to vote for Obama because of his compelling life story, then it’s equally legitimate to vote for Palin because of her compelling life story. And if it’s legitimate to vote for Obama because he’s charismatic and gives a good speech, then it’s equally legitimate to vote for Palin because she’s charismatic and gives a good speech. And if it’s legitimate to vote for Obama because he’s a media darling, then it’s equally legitimate to vote for Palin if she becomes a media darling. And since the post-partisan schtick can only mean that there’s no intrinsic difference between D and R, that means all the candidates are equally legitimate, so why vote for one as opposed to the other? Eh?

All back to the original sins of the primary, I’d say.

Hm-m-m. Funny, that's what we'd say, too. And the former comp teachers in the house give Lambert an A+ for arguing a point through extremely effective use of the material conditional. Oh, and a 5-point bonus for the nifty bit of recursion there at the end. Well done.

(Image Credit: Real Clear Politics)

Sarah Palin's FUNdamentalism

(Photo Credit: Al Grillo, Associated Press, via Washington Post, 9/7/08; Alaska Governor Sarah Palin rides with her husband, Todd, to the starting line of the Iron Dog snowmobile race in February 2007.)

Could you in your wildest dreams have imagined that anyone or anything could come along and suck the political oxygen away from Barack Obama in the 2008 presidential campaign? Be honest. Could you? Did you? Do you? If you are a Democrat and you're still answering no to those questions, then you'd better wake up. De-nial, as they say, is not just a river, but you'd better hope somebody in the party of Dukakis, Gore, and Kerry has a strong paddle to help navigate the suddenly roiling waters of campaign '08.

Former San Francisco mayor Willie Brown (by way of Anglachel) gets what has happened to the race since John McCain selected Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to be his running-mate, and he is sounding the alarms for Democrats:

Palin's speech to the GOP National Convention on Wednesday has set it up so that the Republicans are now on offense and Democrats are on defense. And we don't do well on defense.

Suddenly, Palin and John McCain are the mavericks and Barack Obama and Joe Biden are the status quo, in a year when you don't want to be seen as defending the status quo.

From taxes to oil drilling, Democrats are now going to have to start explaining their positions.

Whenever you start having to explain things, you're on defense.

I actually went back and watched Palin's speech a second time. I didn't go to sleep until 1:30 a.m. I had to make sure I got the lines right.

Her timing was exquisite. She didn't linger with applause, but instead launched into line after line of attack, slipping the knives in with every smile and joke.

And she delivered it like she was just BS-ing on the street with the meter maid.

She didn't have to prove she was "of the people." She really is the people.

It's true that not everyone in Roxie's World appreciated how effective Palin's convention speech was while we were watching it Wednesday night (okay, Goose, you were right and we were wrong), but we felt all along that Palin was a cagey pick whose political skills and value to the McCain campaign should not be underestimated. We also felt that the "progressive" blogosphere and the media's ganging up on the candidate and her family over the pregnancy of 17-year-old Bristol was a mistake that would end up generating sympathy for the Palins and do damage to Obama, no matter how much he tried to distance himself from the stone-throwers. As of today, Obama's post-convention bounce has disappeared, and polls show the race pretty much dead even. We rest our case.

Sarah Palin is a problem for Democrats for all kinds of reasons. Her presence on the ticket is a constant reminder of the proven vote-getter whom Barack Obama passed over for the second spot on his ticket, Senator Hillary Clinton. McCain's surprise pick also, as many observers have noted, gives him an opening to voters hungry for change in this election. Suddenly, the old geezer in the race offers his own version of the iPhone: a fresh and undeniably pretty face, a promise of bipartisan reform, an opportunity for voters to make history by putting a woman into the executive branch. The Republican brand, which five minutes ago seemed as stale as month-old bread, now seems new again, almost even hip. (Note that we said seems, people, not is. This is a game of appearances and perceptions, not realities.)

But here is something we think Dems are missing about Sarah Palin and a sizable chunk of voters to whom she is likely to appeal. Secular Democrats have a caricature of evangelical Christians in their heads as grim, repressive naysayers who spend their lives tuning out the obscenities of the modern world and working frantically to assure that nobody anywhere ever has any fun. They are mean, punitive, ignorant, intolerant. They homeschool their kids, wear drab clothes, and imagine that dinosaurs and Jesus roamed the earth together. Such pinched, sober individuals and faith communities no doubt exist, but the hip, sunny face of postmodern fundamentalism presented by the Palin family is clearly not anomalous. The chick gov and her hunky first dude are the cool Christians next door -- the attractive, fun couple who look like they are ready and waiting for Annie Leibovitz to show up and take their photo for the cover of Vanity Fair and who likely won't show up at the neighborhood potluck with a Pyrex dish full of day-glo Jello. They may go to prayer meetings on Wednesday night, but it's easy to imagine they race home to be on the couch in time for Project Runway. Their faith is not an oppressive force that keeps them remote from the world but a source of deep pleasure and consolation that helps them make their way through it. "Shit happens," we say in secular-ville. "Sin happens," say many contemporary fundies. Either way, it's not that big a deal. Smile. Carry on. Stand up for and with your family. No scarlet letters necessary, thank you.

George Lakoff has written brilliantly on the Palin selection because he understands what many Dems still do not -- that Gov. Palin and her large, telegenic, imperfect yet seemingly happy family are the embodiment of what Lakoff has termed "bi-conceptualism." (The concept is mapped out in detail in an excerpt from Lakoff's 2006 book, Thinking Points: Communicating Our American Values and Vision.) The concept gets at the mixture of conservative and progressive modes of thought and systems of value that are at the heart of conservative populism the Republican party has been successfully deploying since Ronald Reagan to win over especially working-class voters. As Lakoff puts it in his piece on Palin:

A great many working-class folks are what I call "bi-conceptual," that is, they are split between conservative and progressive modes of thought. Conservative on patriotism and certain social and family issues, which they have been led to see as "moral," progressive in loving the land, living in communities of care, and practical kitchen table issues like mortgages, health care, wages, retirement, and so on.

Conservative theorists won them over in two ways: inventing and promulgating the idea of "liberal elite" and focusing campaigns on social and family issues. They have been doing this for many years and have changed a lot of brains through repetition. Palin will appeal strongly to conservative populists, attacking Obama and Biden as pointy-headed, tax-and-spend, latte liberals. The tactic is to divert attention from difficult realities to powerful symbolism.

Lakoff's advice to Dems is to focus on realities without overlooking the important domain of the cognitive and the symbolic. They have to appeal to voters' sense of values, and to do that they need to understand the complex and seemingly contradictory admixture of values operating in voters' minds all across the political spectrum. In our judgment, the most damaging moment of Gov. Palin's speech the other night for Democrats was when she lambasted Obama for an April incident that has come to be known as "Bittergate":

in small towns, we don't quite know what to make of a candidate who lavishes praise on working people when they are listening, and then talks about how bitterly they cling to their religion and guns when those people aren't listening.

We tend to prefer candidates who don't talk about us one way in Scranton and another way in San Francisco.

Democrats may deplore the fact that large swaths of voters can be taken in by the crude antithesis of Scranton and San Francisco, but it remains a devastatingly effective way to portray Democratic candidates as elite, effete, and scornful of "mainstream" mores and values. Palin's populism appeals not only to Republican base voters who would probably never vote Democratic but also to more middle-of-the-road voters who distrust any whiff of hypocrisy and condescension. Such distrust is as American as apple pie, and Democrats can't ignore it or complain that it isn't fair. They have to dislodge the perception or counter it with another, more powerful perception aimed, perhaps, at pointing out the more consequential hypocrisy of a party that has repeatedly sold out working people through economic policies that have systematically redistributed wealth upwards. Palin's FUN-damentalism might then look a whole lot less fun to voters, but it remains to be seen if Barack Obama can change the game yet again and get his offense back out on the field. He better hurry, because, right now, Sarah-cuda is having the time of her life out there, and time is running out.

It's 3 a.m.

(Image Credit: Random search of internets on "red telephone.")

Time to pick up the phone, Senator Obama. You may not want to and you may have to medicate your wife while you do it, but it's time to admit that the bitch you beat is the woman you'll need to help you get to the White House. If you're lucky, she'll agree to step in and do what women from time immemorial have done: Work her keister off to help a younger, less qualified guy get the job she deserved while she grabs, ahem, the booby prize of being the first woman vice president in American history. If not, well, maybe all that bluster about new voters will work out better for you in the general than it did in those big primaries you lost between March and June. Can you say, "Texas," Senator? "Ohio?" "Pennsylvania?"

Forget the bluster, Senator, and consider the current state of the race. Things aren't looking all that good for you right now, despite your fawning fans in the media and the "progressive" blogosphere. Just today, for example, we note:

• A new Reuters/Zogby poll shows McCain with a 5-point lead over you nationally. Your support among Democrats is weakening (it's fallen by 9 points to 74%, according to this poll), while McCain's support among Republicans is solidifying (it's up to 81%). Incredibly, McCain now has a 9-point advantage 49 to 40%) on the crucial question of who would be the best manager of the economy. How boiled-over Bushanomics could have put McCain in that position is a mystery beyond the understanding of one in our lowly pay grade, but we think it might mean his ads focused on whether the world's biggest celebrity can understand the problems of ordinary folks might be hitting home with some voters.
  
• You continue to lose ground in key battleground states. RCP averages have McCain leading in Ohio, Colorado, Virginia, and Florida and give you thin leads in Michigan and Pennsylvania. Our blog buddy Historiann had an excellent post the other day on the importance of OH, MI, and PA to the prospects of a Dem victory in the fall. We think you might want to take a look at it.
  
• The advantage you've enjoyed in analyses focused on the electoral college has also suddenly vanished, according to Electoral Vote Predictor, which attributes your slide to McCain's negative ads over the past month. Eerily, EVP hears echoes of what happened to John Kerry in the Swift Boat summer of 2004: "If you compare the 2008 electoral college graph with the 2004 one, the parallels are striking. Kerry led throughout the summer until the Swift Boat ad kicked in, and it was downhill from there. Kerry never recovered."

Not pretty, Senator, not pretty at all. Things have gotten so tight that even arch Clinton haters -- Ralph Nader, for dog's sake, and John Nichols of The Nation! -- have started saying you will or should tap the former First Lady as your veep choice. You have to admit, the trial balloons you've floated recently -- Bayh, Biden, Kaine, Sibelius, and the monster whose name will not go away, Sam Nunn -- haven't generated a whole lot of excitement or done much for your poll numbers. By contrast, "a recent New York Times/CBS News poll of convention delegates found that 28 percent preferred Mrs. Clinton for vice president — by far the largest bloc supporting a candidate," according to the NYT blog, "Political Memo."

Pick up the phone, Senator. Make your convention delegates happy. Turn at least a few snarling PUMAs into purring kitty-cats ready to curl up at your -- or her -- feet. Most importantly, earn what you and some of your disgruntled followers have long sought: the coveted endorsement of America's most famous dog blog devoted to politics, pop culture, and basketball. That's right, Senator. Roxie's World stands ready to offer you a Five-Paw Salute and our unstinting support of your candidacy if you have the good sense to call the junior senator from New York and get her to accept a place on your ticket. As we promised in the strat memo we sent you in June (you still have that in your briefcase, don't you?):

Do that, sir, and we’ll have an Obama-Clinton widget up on our sidebar so fast it’ll make your halo spin. We will set aside all our reservations and do everything within our power to assure that both you and Senator Clinton get to place your hands on the Bible come January 20, 2009. Don’t blink, or you’ll miss our Old Bitches for Obama-Clinton tee shirts as you stroll by in the inaugural parade. We’ll even give you a new blog name. Perhaps, instead of “the Lesser,” you might become known in these precincts as, um, “Good Enough.”

Are we predicting Senator Clinton will actually end up on the ticket? Nope, no way, no how. We gave up prognostication after the embarrassment of Moose's wildly incorrect (if deeply moving) predictions about Texas and Ohio. Do we think choosing Clinton will make everyone, including some of her strongest supporters, happy? No, and we're sure it will infuriate a good many of Obama's strongest supporters, since foaming-at-the-mouth Clinton hatred has been a powerful unifying and motivating force among many of his followers. We don't think Obama-Clinton would be a perfect ticket, but we think it's the ticket most likely to secure a Democratic victory in November, and that is really, finally all that matters.

Don't let an imagined perfection be the enemy of an attainable good, Senator Obama. Pick up the phone. Our hunch is there's a smart, hard-working woman prepared to answer your -- and the nation's -- call.

Olympian Observations

Here's what really matters about the Olympics, of course:

(Photo Credit: Doug Mills, New York Times; Michael Phelps takes his fourth gold medal of the Beijing Olympics in the 200-meter butterfly with a world-record time of 1 minute 52.03 seconds, 8/12/08, unless you are in China, where it is already 8/13/08.)

Roxie's World takes an extra jolt of pride in the accomplishments of the beyond phenomenal Phelps because he's a Baltimore boy with a hard-working mom. We won't mind at all if he breaks Mark Spitz's record of seven gold medals in a single Olympic games, even though Spitz was a hero of Moose's swimming-obsessed family in childhood.

[. . . .]

(Ellipses mark the pause in typing while Phelps picked up his fifth gold of the games in the men's 800-meter free relay. And his fifth world record! My typist is so easily distracted.)

[. . . .]

(How does the balance beam not do serious internal damage to the bodies of those tiny little girls? Oh, right -- It does!)

Anyway, watching the Olympics means watching commercials broadcast during the Olympics, which has made us wonder:

• How can it be legal for McDonald's to be a major sponsor of the Olympics? Shouldn't someone have said, "No, really, guys, you've done more to undermine the cause of healthy eating world-wide than any other company. We just don't think this is the kind of product we want associated with the Games."
• Is it us, or are those "Where does depression hurt?" commercials for Cymbalta the most depressing things you've ever seen? And do the marketing geniuses at Eli Lilly think viewers of the Olympics are the best target audience for Cymbalta? I mean, granted, a nation of couch potatoes glued to the spectacle of gravity-defying athleticism might be feeling a little down on itself, a little inadequate in comparison to the gods and goddesses on the screen, but viewers might also be reveling in the fantasy of their own god-like potentiality. "By golly," they might chirp from the couch, "I don't need an anti-depressant -- I need new running shoes! Or maybe a Big Mac . . . ."

(Eek, these little American girls are dropping like flies off the balance beam and onto the floor. Things are not looking good for the women's all-around. Quick -- Send in the Cymbalta!)

• Flame us if you dare, but we think McCain's "celebrity" ads, which have been in heavy rotation in the DC media market during the Olympics (presumably because of the battle being waged for Virginia in November) are actually pretty effective on repeat viewing -- and there is something especially powerful about viewing them in the context of the Olympics. Caught up as we may be in the myth-making machinery of NBC's (actually pretty darn good) coverage of the games, McCain's message about whether a celebrity can be counted on to take care of your family has extra resonance within this context. Obama may be the political equivalent of Michael Phelps, but it's easy to imagine that Phelps would be, um, a fish out of water at something as mundane as a cabinet meeting. We can't imagine how the McCain campaign is affording all this air time, but we think it's a smart move.
• On the other hand, and we swear we didn't make our minds up about this ahead of time, we are underwhelmed by the "hands" commercials Obama has been broadcasting during the Olympics. To us, they are about as moving as the corporate PR spots Archer Daniels Midland runs on The NewsHour. Strong production values, but a real snooze in the message department.

On a totally unrelated matter, you will note we haven't yapped, woofed, barked, or howled about the shocking news that Senator John Edwards was in fact schtupping Rielle Hunter, a woman hired by his campaign to make videos, as reported last October by The National Enquirer. We've kept quiet because it's so hard to find anything new or interesting to say on the tired subject of ambitious men with zipper problems. Two or three things we will say, though:

• Go read Ruth Marcus's insightful column on the sordid affair. She reminded us of the snarky comments Edwards made about Bill Clinton's infidelity and pointed out how troubling it is that Elizabeth Edwards publicly promoted her husband's commitment to her during her illness as a reason to support his candidacy when, according to the timeline of events they have produced, she already knew about his infidelity.
• Marcus doesn't make exactly this point, but we say that a candidate who uses parts of his private life as evidence of the kind of leader he would make can't cry foul when evidence of private misconduct is used against him. You don't get to say, "My virtues are a reason to vote for me, but my vices can't be held against me." Especially if you and your incurably ill wife have been publicly lying about your vices for nearly a year!
• Finally, we couldn't help but raise an eyebrow this morning when photos of Edwards and Hunter together on his campaign announcement trip in late December 2006 turned up on Wa Po. This got our attention because Edwards has spoken of his "liaison" with Hunter as being over and acknowledged within his family in 2006. Now, of course, photos of the two together on a campaign trip say nothing about the private state of their relationship at that point in time, but public glimpses of the two looking chummy together just moments before the end of 2006 will fuel skepticism about the timing of events in relation to the recurrence of Elizabeth Edwards's cancer (in March of 2007) and the birth of Hunter's child (in February of 2008). Yeah, and we think it's super-convenient that Hunter is refusing a paternity test -- from the comfort of the Santa Barbara home that Edwards's top money guy is helping to pay for.
  

Gotta get off the soapbox, kids -- It's time for bed! The moms take off for a couple of days at the beach tomorrow, but if you're really, really good, maybe they'll post some pretty photos of the Jersey shore. Meantime, here's another piece of eye candy for Moose, qta, and other lovers of Aquaman:

(Photo Credit: Getty Images, via Baltimore Sun, 8/10/08)

Playing in the Dark

(With apologies to Toni Morrison, but it had to be.)

Moose insisted we were not going to post today. "Nope, Rox," she said, "noop, nuh-uh, not gonna do it." She was so determined not to post that she decided today would be the day she re-organized drawers and closets and polished her jewelry in advance of the fall semester. When I pointed out that she hadn't even ordered her books for fall and suggested that the sudden interest in sweaters and earrings might be an avoidance tactic, she shot me one of those frightening "Mommie Dearest" looks that made me think I might be next in line for cleaning and polishing if I didn't get out of her way. I snuck downstairs for a nap while she was looking for an old toothbrush to help get the tarnish off those hard-to-reach spots on a brooch she inherited from her beloved grandmother Jane.

To tell you the truth, I can understand Moose's blog-avoidance today. I mean, if we were to post, we'd have to weigh in on the utter nonsense that has now completely overtaken the presidential race and all the commentary about it. McCain is a racist! Obama is playing the race card! The word "presumptuous" is part of a complex racial/racist code that you need a dogwhistle to understand!

Dogwhistle??? Digby -- o great and powerful and blazingly intelligent politics 'n media blogger whom we revere more than just about anybody in the 'sphere -- have you lost your mind? I mean, look, I get the whole concept of the dogwhistle, being a dog and everything, though I've never actually heard one and probably couldn't hear one now, being nearly deaf and all, and of course you're right that Republicans have developed a pretty sophisticated system for appealing to racist sentiments among some voters without being obvious or explicit enough to offend everybody else, but does that mean that every time anybody uses the word "presumptuous" to describe Barack Obama they are telegraphing the idea that he is "uppity," as in, "an uppity N-word?" Really? Digby?

The guy is 46 years old. He spent 143 days in the United States Senate before launching his presidential campaign. He gave speeches behind an ersatz presidential seal and celebrated his presumptive (if I may) nomination by taking an international tour in which he met with heads of state. Of the crowds who turned out to see him in Europe, he said, "I have become a symbol of the possibility of America returning to our best traditions." I dunno, Digby. Call me crazy, call me racist, or call me an old dog with really bad hearing, but that all sounds pretty darned presumptuous to me. I even checked the OED, and it says that "presumptuous" means "unduly confident or bold; arrogant, forward, impertinent, overweening." I suppose you could add the word "uppity" to that list of synonyms, but does that mean that "presumptuous" is always racist when used in reference to an African American? Or only when the speaker is white, in which case, well, I'm just really confused?

Help on old dog out here, Digby. I'm trying to wrap my paws around this whole whistle conundrum you've set up. Roxie's World was critical of Senator Obama through much of the primary season and has grown more deeply disappointed with him since that season ended on June 7 with the formal suspension of Hillary Clinton's campaign. Much of our criticism has been directed at what we have judged to be considerable evidence of presumptuousness on Senator Obama's part. He rubs us the wrong way because his confidence often comes across to us as arrogance. His efforts to appear and act "presidential" suggest to us that he thinks his election is a foregone conclusion. Voters are mere spectators to a show whose ending has already been written. Does that mean we've been blowing the dogwhistle without knowing it? Can a dog blow a dogwhistle, Digby?

Boy, I'm really starting to understand why Moose didn't want to post today. I can see why she just wanted to toss up a few links and tell you to

• Go read Historiann. She's got a great piece up on a hilarious/pathetic open letter The Nation has published begging Obama to "stand firm on the [allegedly progressive] principles he so compellingly articulated in the primary campaign." Quick, quick! More Kool-Aid, more Kool-Aid! My brain is starting to work again, and it hurts!
• Go read Lanny Davis's Wall Street Journal opinion on why Obama should select Hillary for veep. It may be tinkling into the wind at this point, but we still think that's the winningest ticket Dems could put together this year. It would be foolhardy for the party to ignore evidence in recent polls that Obama has still not closed the sale with a lot of voters and sheer lunacy to suppose that the closer is likely to be the anti-choice Tim Kaine, the homophobic Sam Nunn, or the beyond-bland Evan Bayh. Not even the Hoosier in our household can get behind that sleep-inducing possibility.

Here's the thing, kids. It's a long way to November. Voters will justifiably tune out in disgust if this thing turns into a playground brawl over who's playing the race card. Such a brawl demeans both the candidates and the process in which they are participating. Our language and all the semiotic systems that shape U.S. culture are so thoroughly racialized -- one might even say racist-ized -- that it is almost impossible for any speaker to make a criticism of a person of another race that doesn't seem racially charged. Which is not to defend McCain's stunningly stupid "celebrity" ad linking Obama to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton or the obnoxious new rap by Ludacris that calls Hillary Clinton a bitch and urges African-American voters to paint the White House black. Those are examples of entirely avoidable idiocies that you don't need a dogwhistle or a decoder ring to figure out.

We get that the progressive blogosphere is on high alert, ready to blow up the Swiftboats of racist innuendo that are sure to be headed in Senator Obama's direction. Nonetheless, we confess to being depressed indeed by the prospect of the long daze of summer being followed by a discontented autumn of charges, counter charges, and long-winded commentaries upon the charges as the nation loses itself in a pointless game of pin the tail on the racist. Such a game will do nothing to ameliorate the deep and real problems of structural racism, and it will likely be of little help in motivating voters to get to the polls in November.

But, hey, I guess it'll be a whole lot more fun than trying to figure out the differences between the candidate who thinks we should stay in Iraq for a hundred years and the candidate whose plan to "end" the war in Iraq turns out to be a plan to accelerate the war in Afghanistan. Yo, dudes -- Spin me 'round in a circle, and hand me that tail. I got a game to play!

Michelle, Ma Belle

(Photo Credit: Charles Ommanney, Getty Images for Newsweek; "Ready for my ascension, Mr. DeMille.")

For the Clintonistas of Roxie's World:

So you're sitting out there, poring over the polls and primary maps, trying to master the impenetrable arcana of superdelegates, wondering if Howard Dean will ever figure out what to do about the debacles of Michigan and Florida, and perhaps you're edging your way toward the third stage of your grief over what feels like the implosion of the Clinton campaign: bargaining. Perhaps you've started to think, Maybe it won't be so bad if Obama is the nominee. He comes with so much less baggage than the Clintons do. Maybe fear of being called racist will take some of the edge off the Republican attack machine. Maybe it will be a kinder, gentler campaign that actually focuses on the issues. Maybe Obama's soaring rhetoric, personal magnetism, and stunningly beautiful family will neutralize and triumph over all the poisonous waste Republicans have dumped into our political discourse in the last twenty years.

Think again, my sweet benighted human. Think again.

Regular readers know we generally avoid the blogger's condition we like to call Digbyitis, in which the blogger fills huge expanses of prime blog un-real estate by cutting and pasting lengthy excerpts from other blogs, columns, or news reports. Much as we revere Digby (and we do), we kind of think that's cheating, and we know June Star agrees with us and we like to stay in June Star's good graces. Anyway, we're going to make an exception to our rule by printing an entire post by John Podhoretz that was published yesterday in "Contentions," a Commentary magazine blog, because we want to make sure even our non-linky-loving readers see it. Think of it as a preview of the scary movie we might all have to sit through in the fall if Obama is the nominee and his lovely but occasionally loose-lipped wife Michelle is the first-lady-in-waiting.

She Said What?

Michelle Obama today said that “for the first time in my adult lifetime, I am really proud of my country. And not just because Barack has done well, but because I think people are hungry for change. I have been desperate to see our country moving in that direction.”

Really proud of her country for the first time? Michelle Obama is 44 years old. She has been an adult since 1982. Can it really be there has not been a moment during that time when she felt proud of her country? Forget matters like the victory in the Cold War; how about only things that have made liberals proud — all the accomplishments of inclusion? How about the passage of the Civil Rights Act of 1991? Or Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s elevation to the Supreme Court? Or Carol Moseley Braun’s election to the Senate in 1998? How about the merely humanitarian, like this country’s startling generosity to the victims of the tsunami? I’m sure commenters can think of hundreds more landmarks of this sort. Didn’t she even get a twinge from, say, the Olympics?

Mrs. Obama was speaking at a campaign rally, so it is easy to assume she was merely indulging in hyperbole. Even so, it is very revealing.

It suggests, first, that the pseudo-messianic nature of the Obama candidacy is very much a part of the way the Obamas themselves are feeling about it these days. If they don’t get a hold of themselves, the family vanity is going to swell up to the size of Phileas Fogg’s hot-air balloon and send the two of them soaring to heights of self-congratulatory solipsism that we’ve never seen before.

Second, it suggests the Obama campaign really does have its roots in New Class leftism, according to which patriotism is not only the last refuge of a scoundrel, but the first refuge as well — that America is not fundamentally good but flawed, but rather fundamentally flawed and only occasionally good. There’s something for John McCain to work with here.

And third, that Michelle Obama — from the middle-class South Shore neighborhood of Chicago, Princeton 85, Harvard Law 88, associate at Sidley and Austin, and eventually a high-ranking official at the University of Chicago — may not be proud of her country, but her life, like her husband’s, gives me every reason to be even prouder of the United States.

Way to go, Michelle. You see how easy it is to toss a big fat softball straight at the waiting bats of the right-wing commentariat? One little off-the-cuff remark and the terrifying specter of the America-hating left is conveniently revived. Give 'em an inch, and next thing you know 44% of voters (and 92% of Fox news viewers) will believe that your husband, Barack HUSSEIN Obama, helped plan the 9/11 attacks. Give 'em another inch and little old ladies from Texas will swear that you killed a man and personally wrapped his body in a rug. (This non-urban legend [with Hillary Clinton in the role of diabolical left-wing killer] was recently circulating in Goose's family in Texas. Apparently, they're not all yellow-dog Dems. Don't you [or "chu," as they say in the Lone Star state] just love it when relatives come to visit?)

John McCain's scary wife Cindy quickly pounced on Mrs. Obama's words, introducing her husband to a Wisconsin audience by remarking, “I’m proud of my country. I don’t know about you – if you heard those words earlier – I’m very proud of my country.’’ NY Times political blog has links to a lot of other reaction here.

Let us be clear: Roxie's World deplores the fact that American politics has been reduced to gotcha games and swift boats and common denominators so low you need a bulldozer to dig down to see them. But do not for one second kid yourselves that the man David Brooks today deemed "His Hopeness" will deliver us from this cesspool to a utopia of post-partisan, post-race, beyond-gender cooperation. (I guess that means there'll be no free tampons in the Obama era, huh? Moose was really hoping that the first woman president would place buckets of free tampons on every street corner. And condoms. And maybe dental floss -- all kinds of sensible things you might not have on you when you need them. Women are really good at thinking about stuff like that. Maybe we should have thought of that before we decided gender doesn't matter, which is the obvious corollary of Obama's supporters declaring that race doesn't matter, isn't it?) (Go read the rest of that David Brooks column, by the way. His analysis of "Obama Comedown Syndrome" is actually, surprisingly, funny, though it also affirms our sense that Obama-mania may be short-lived, followed by a nasty hangover, and lead to President John McCain deciding to stay in Iraq for ten thousand years. And we do intend to hold all our friends who voted against Hillary for authorizing military action in Iraq accountable for that.)

Also, go read the long Newsweek profile on Michelle Obama. We've decided we can't stand her, but we're pretty sure that's just bitterness on our part. And, oh yeah, maybe that thing she said back in May about not "identifying" with feminism -- or progressivism -- because she's "not that into labels." Oh, yeah, us neither, Michelle, but we are into a crazy little thing called convictions. Got any?

This was going to be a much better post, kids, but we had some weird technical difficulties around embedding links that had my typist ready to throw her laptop straight off the observation deck and out into our ridiculously large backyard. Love you, have our doubts about technology.

Oh, yeah, and Clinton lost Wisconsin, but you probably already knew that. LA Times asks if it's "the beginning of the end for Clinton." And maybe you're asking that, too.

Saturday Funnies

My typist has a cold, and a deep laziness has settled over Roxie's World here in the middle weekend of February. We haven't yet come up with the magic formula that is going to save Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign and rid the world of sexism and dangerously vapid media coverage. We are so astonished by Tweety's confession this week that hearing a speech by Barack Obama sends "this thrill going up my leg" and by MoDo's assertion, with no apparent trace of irony or self-consciousness, that "attacks against powerful women can be harsh and personal and unfair, enough to make anyone cry" that we are tempted to cover our head with our paws and declare Roxie's World a media-free zone. But we couldn't do that to you, our legions of loyal fans, who are out there, patiently waiting for a weekend treat from your favorite dog blogger. Here are a few morsels from the goody bag, mostly things passed along by devoted members of the pack.

Did Roxie's World neglect to wish you a happy Valentine's Day? By dog, I think we did! Here's a little Valentine greeting passed along by the moms' high-powered enviro-politico pal (who was last seen in Roxie's World wielding an ax for Hillary Clinton):

And here's something Moose stumbled on halfway through her first cup of coffee this morning:

And here's a cartoon that was much funnier when it was published in early January, before we started worrying that John McCain might actually be electable (with thanks to an exceptionally devoted reader who doesn't yet have a blog-name, though we are considering several that involve witty allusions to cats, England, New Jersey, and the racial politics of the Victorian period):

Speaking of cats, if two Maureen Dowd columns a week is not enough to line the floor of your litter box, check out the amazing Dowd-O-Tron from 23/6. You can make your own MoDo column any day of the week with just a few clicks of the button! (Caution: Studies show that spending too much time in the mind of MoDo may be hazardous to one's health, causing toxic levels of thoughtless causticity and uncontrollable bouts of pointless antiphonal word-play.) (With thanks to deputy internets troller Dudley the Beagle, who sniffed this out before his nose got so high in the air from Uno's win at Westminster that he stopped returning our calls.)

Eager for the absolute latest on the Obama Messiah Watch? You'll find it here at Is Barack Obama the Messiah? It's supposed to be a parody, but we're wondering if it might not have the opposite effect. Still, we'd be happy if one of our devoted fans were to call our snarky references to Jesus Christ Superstar in Wednesday's post to their attention. We wouldn't mind ending up in the list of "Heretics and Unbelievers" in their sidebar.

Finally, June Star phoned in from the Garden State Parkway the other day with word that Jon Stewart made a reference to the War on Terriers in a piece he did on the triumph of Uno the beagle at Westminster. It's short, funny, and related to the long-awaited end of the writer's strike in Hollywood. Follow the link; the video wasn't loading completely when we had it embedded here, so we took it down.

That's it, kids. We promise more original material when Moose and her head are on speaking terms again. Love you. Mean it.

Who You Calling "Electable"?

The division of sports and leisure is in charge of Roxie’s World this evening, on account of the non-Lady Terps are down in Durham squaring off against the evil empire of Duke. The political team has taken the night off to lick its wounds following last night’s resounding defeat of Hillary Clinton in the Crab Cake primaries and to reassess our official position on the issue of electability. That position has been colorfully yet clearly articulated by Moose, who for months has maintained that Democrats could nominate “poop on toast” and win the presidency this year, given the unappealing field of Republican candidates and the spectacularly failed presidency of George W. Bush.

This morning, though, the moms woke up to a cold, ugly rain and the sound of a triumphant John McCain launching the peroration of his victory speech last night in Virginia – and the opening of his attack against the man many now assume he will face in the fall:

I do not seek the presidency on the presumption that I am blessed with such personal greatness that history has anointed me to save my country in its hour of need. I seek the presidency with the humility of a man who cannot forget that my country saved me.

“Holy crap,” Moose muttered, “turn off the radio. There goes the election.”

“No kidding,” Goose replied. “You just can’t beat such gorgeously balanced sentences, such elegant use of antithesis – ‘I do not seek the presidency on X. I seek the presidency on Y.’ That is poetry.”

I swear, Goose is almost as weird as Moose is sometimes.

“Yeah, but it’s also a withering attack on Obama’s sole claim to the office – his personal magnetism, his followers’ belief in his salvific powers. If McCain can effectively re-frame those appeals as signs of arrogance, vanity, or a young man’s belief that ‘all glory [is] self-glory,’ as he says earlier in the speech, well, that’s just devastating to Obama’s cause. McCain doesn’t have to bother pointing out that Lyndon Johnson’s support was crucial to the success of the civil rights movement. All he has to do is talk about the brotherhood of war, which he also does earlier in the speech, to prove that he understands interdependency and the nobility of fighting for a cause greater than oneself. He’ll never let someone label him a racist for saying that either.”

“No one will even try. That’s the kind of weasely move Democrats only pull on one another. You know what this whole Obama cult of personality thing has got me thinking about?”

“What?”

“The opening song from Jesus Christ Superstar, where Judas tells Jesus how dangerous this whole messiah thing has gotten to be. He accuses Jesus of succumbing to all the hype about him.”

“Oh, yeah,” and then Moose started to sing,

You’ve started to believe
The things they say of you
You really do believe
This talk of God is true

And then Goose chimed in,

And all the good you’ve done
Will soon get swept away
You’ve begun to matter more
Than the things you say

And then they both started to laugh. I covered my ears with my paws. It's so embarrassing when they go all 70s on me.

“But seriously,” Moose said, “you know what this debacle has me thinking about?”

“Unh-unh.”

“The iPhone. Obama doesn’t represent a new kind of politics. He represents the triumph of branding in politics. He’s positioned himself as the iPhone in this race, while somehow Clinton has been turned into the political equivalent of your grandmother’s rotary dial phone. The problem with that strategy is that voters-as-consumers or voters-as-fans are likely to be fickle. They may move on to a new product by fall.”

“But do you think McCain is a product they’ll be interested in buying?”

“Hey, Republicans are nothing if not marketing geniuses. They sold enough people on Shrub to get him into the White House for two terms. McCain’s speech last night unnerves me because it suggests a brilliant line of attack against all of Obama's pretty rhetoric.”

“But isn’t it just another version of Clinton’s experience argument?”

“Basically, but he’s a guy, a war hero. He doesn’t have to prove his commander-in-chief credentials, which is a big part of what Clinton’s experience argument was aimed at doing. McCain can make a contest between him and Obama all about who’s the manliest man, and the old white former prisoner of war is going to win that contest every time. All he has to do is stand there stiff as a board, make a couple of well-timed references to ‘Nam, and suddenly voters remember that grandma’s old rotary phone never dropped a call and didn’t shatter into pieces when it got dropped. Obama looks like a self-involved pretty boy, a puff of smoke. Faced with the two of them, voters realize they don’t want to be cool; they want to be safe.”

“A pretty boy? So McCain can use a subtle combination of racism, ageism, and effemiphobia to beat Obama, where Clinton’s age and experience are held against her?”

“Sure, honey. That, it turns out, may be how you beat the bitch -- and the black guy. C’mon. Let’s go downstairs and have some coffee. It’s time to face the day.”

(For a round-up of commentary on the Obama Messiah Watch, see this from our blog pal Jon Swift.) And if you, too, can still recall all the lyrics to Jesus Christ Superstar, even if you can't remember what you had for breakfast this morning, then click on this vid. Just close your office door first. Please.