All right, all right, kids -- Go ahead. Mock us for predicting that Hillary Clinton would lose or not win big enough last night to justify staying in the race. Point your fingers at Moose's vaunted gut, source of so many of her judgments and decisions, and laugh hysterically at how far off base she was. Make your jokes about eating crow, even if Moose, technically, beat you to that in a comment she left here earlier today. Indeed, she even spent part of her busy afternoon on campus looking up crow recipes (oh, lord, we love the internets, don't we?), because, by golly, she'd be willing to tuck into a dish of the much maligned bird as a penance for her wildly off-target predictions. Assuming Goose would let her wash it down with a really nice bottle of something red. How about a bite or two of this simple yet hearty-sounding dish?
CROW CASSEROLEMoose loves sauerkraut. It's all that German blood coursing in her veins. Would it be pathetic of her to point out that she was right about "Falling Slowly" from Once winning the Oscar for Best Song? She also had a hand in our prediction that Clinton would take California on Super Tuesday. Please, people, let the poor woman have some shred of dignity!
12 pieces of crow breast meat (no bones) (6 crows)
2 quart sauerkraut
6 slices of bacon
1/3 cup of chopped onions
Brown the crow breasts in a skillet with butter or oil. When browned, place them in a casserole dish on 1/2 inch layer of sauerkraut. Lay a 1/2 strip of bacon on each 1/2 breast and sprinkle the onion on them. Next, add another layer of sauerkraut and some of the juice. Bake at 350 degrees for 2 hours. Makes 2 servings.
Seriously, folks, as you can imagine, we're pretty happy here at the Emily Litella School of Punditry and Prognostication to be saying a big, fat, loud, "Never mind," today. We smashed all the crystal balls in Roxie's World at about 1 o'clock this morning and are thinking of sending Moose to a doctor to have her gut checked, but seldom have we found ourselves so utterly delighted to have been publicly exposed as absolutely, positively, 100% spectacularly wrong. (That was a nice post, though, wasn't it? I bet anything more than one of you got choked up while reading it.)
By "we," of course, I mean me and Moose. Goose is exempt from this state of wrongness and public embarrassment, having been, as y'all well know and as she has reminded us several times today, confident that Clinton would do well enough in Texas and Ohio to continue her fight for the nomination. Indeed, she has a new name here in Roxie's World to honor her confidence and her dedication to the cause. (She made a bunch of phone calls for Senator Clinton while spending many long hours in the Dallas airport the other day, before finally stumbling in the door here at nearly 4 a.m.) We now humbly refer to her as the Girl Who Saved Texas. She had a little help in this endeavor, by the way. Goose's 88-year-old blind mother caucused for Hillary last night with her yellow-dog Dem pal Miriam. They and another friend were the first three people in line at their precinct for the caucus, and the precinct chairman thanked them, saying that his mother had desperately wanted to see Hillary Clinton become president but that she had died before she could cast a vote. Each of the women was born in the year women got the right to vote, and Goose's mom said she cried when she signed in at the precinct. Go on. Shed another little tear over that poignant detail. We won't tell anyone.
But enough about us and our rightness or wrongness, our bad guts and our busted crystal balls. What's the take-away from yesterday? What did we learn, and where do we go from here? We'll keep this short, because we've been burning the candle at both ends in Roxie's World this week, but here are some Rumsfeldian "snowflakes" on the current state of the Democratic primary race:
- Note to the Clinton campaign: That fighter thing? It works for you. Want to win Pennsylvania? You take your girl to the steps of the Philadelphia Art Museum posthaste, put a couple of boxing gloves on her, and start marketing her as Rocky with brains, boobs, and a health-care plan. Why? It's a good counter to Obama's speechifying. When she shows that she's got the fire in her belly, as she did this week, she's offering not dull prose to his poetry but a passion for action. Hillary the fighter also adds a pleasing coherence to a life narrative that some have found marked by moments of inconsistency (unlike everybody else's perfectly consistent life narratives???): She fought for kids for decades as a lawyer and first lady of Arkansas, fought for her marriage, fought for New York post-9/11, and will fight for all of us as president.
- Note to the Obama campaign: Hurts, doesn't it, this losing thing? Too bad, but we want you to know that we've picked up on the fact that your post-partisan, above-the-fray campaign has adopted the bare-knuckle tactics of Bush and Rove in Florida 2000, arguing before the race is over and the votes have been counted that the nomination is somehow yours and the only way Clinton can get it is to steal it. We are incensed that so far the supine media seem to be accepting your framing of the situation, but that could shift if Clinton kicks your ass in Pennsylvania, which we sincerely hope she will do. Sorry, Your Hopeness, but we are less impressed with you every day. And you know what? We thought in your non-concession speech last night you sounded a lot like an Ivy League lawyer trying really, really hard to imitate a black Southern Baptist minister. And I bet we're not the only listeners who are starting to feel that way.
- Note to Howard Dean: Sorry, gov, but your "let's close our eyes and hope that Ohio and Texas resolve the nomination battle before we have to figure out what to do about the Michigan and Florida problem" strategy didn't work out. You are going to have to do something that will assure voters that the race has been run fairly and settled squarely. Even a do-over won't be entirely fair, because we'll never know how Michigan and Florida would have played out if the candidates had campaigned there and everybody's names had been on the ballots the first time around, but at this point anything other than a do-over (and as primaries, not caucuses) will look like an effort to advantage one candidate or another. Joan Walsh makes a case for re-voting in Salon. Roger Simon lays out the options for solving the problem in Politico. It concludes with a comment from unaligned Dem Tad Devine that both campaigns might want to keep in mind: “The nomination is only worth having if it strengthens you,” he said. “If it tears the party apart, the nomination is not worth it.”
- Note to the Clintonistas of Roxie's World: Write to the Democratic party and tell them you'll never give them another dime if they don't enfranchise the voters of Michigan and Florida. Remind them we have suffered through eight years of a disastrous presidency brought about by flawed election procedures and a whole bunch of legalistic chicanery that denied voters their rights. Why all of a sudden has the Democratic party gone wobbly on the principle of counting every vote? Bear in mind that if the votes of Michigan and Florida were being added into popular vote totals in the primary races, Clinton would be leading Obama by 40,000 votes.
Oh, children, my typist is so tired that her head is falling over into the lap that holds the laptop. I feel the pressure of your collective desires for my wisdom on the subject of yesterday, and so I shall order her to press "publish" and get herself to bed before today is tomorrow and yesterday's news is too old to matter. Ah, my sweets, the tyranny of time in the blogosphere. How strange that even in this unreal (though lovely) world time waits for no man -- or dog. Peace out, beloveds. Sleep well. And heed your dreams.