Paws up for Mary Cheney, kids. She finally popped her little bun out of the oven. Wa Po reports that Samuel David Cheney was born yesterday at Sibley Hospital in Washington. (Sardonic aside from Moose: What, wouldn't any of the hospitals in Cheney's home state of Virginia allow for same-sex spawning in their sacred delivery rooms?) (Sardonic aside from MSNBC's Keith Olbermann: The state of Virginia was named last night's Worst Person in the World for denying Cheney's partner, Heather Poe, parental rights to the child she and Cheney will be raising together.)
We've been racking our brains here in Roxie's World trying to decide how to commemorate this extraordinary occasion. We don't want to involve ourselves in all the crass speculation about how the child was conceived, though we did notice a fascinating story in the paper this week reporting evidence of reproduction through parthenogenesis in female sharks. When Moose saw the headline, "Female Sharks Can Reproduce Alone, Researchers Find," she thought perhaps the story had something to do with Mary Cheney. Interestingly, news of Samuel's birth broke hours later. Coincidence? We think not!
Having grown up with two moms myself, I should probably offer little Samuel some free advice. Hmmm, let's see. If both moms are going through menopause at the same time, don't just leave the house -- Leave the planet. It ain't pretty. If you're lucky enough to have one mom who is a disciplinarian (or a "Moose," as in "Mussolini") and one mom who is a freedom schooler (or a "Goose," as in "Mother Goose"), then you're in for a lifetime of fun playing them off against each other. It's a great game, Sammy, and you're the winner every time! If the kids at school make fun of you for having two moms, just smile at them and say, "It's okay -- My grandpa's a huge Dick."
On that crude note, let's pause for a moment to imagine Baby Cheney's First Words. What will it be like for this child, growing up in a political family that has sold its soul to a party devoted to denying him the same set of rights, privileges, and legal protections that children born into other types of families have? What will little Samuel have to say when his tender mouth can finally form words? How about something like. . . :
- Wait, Grandpa, don't shoot!
- It's a free country! You can't send me off to Gitmo for refusing to eat my vegetables.
- Wow, Mama Heather has one heck of a pitching arm. I think those years as a forest ranger were good for her upper-body strength.
- Mother Mary, why won't Grandpa stop the war? Everybody says he started it.
Memorial Day is this weekend, kids. In addition to pulling your white shoes out of the closet and coming up with your own witty contribution to the Baby Cheney's First Words Contest (sure, let's have one -- Why not?), Roxie's World urges you to read the following articles and to DO something that in some small way can move our nation toward peace. How much more blood can you stand to have on YOUR hands?
- Read this powerful story by Wa Po reporter Darragh Johnson on Section 60 at Arlington Cemetery, where 336 men and women killed in Iraq and Afghanistan have been buried. It's a touching analysis of how the rawness of the families' grief has transformed the subdued space of Arlington into a messier yet more deeply real space of living, communal sorrow. It brings the war home in vivid fashion.
- Check out my moms' colleague Marshall Grossman, holding forth in Huff Po on the Democrats' reluctance to put teeth in their opposition to the war.
- Keith Olbermann also had a "Special Comment" on last night's show calling Democrats to account for collaborating in prolonging the war. It's hard-hitting and righteous, as usual.
- Join in John Edwards' Memorial Day call to support the troops by ending the war. You can search for local actions going on in connection with this effort. Props are due to Edwards for his leadership on this issue, even if it is motivated by a desire to tack to the left of Clinton and Obama on the war.