Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Stink Bombs

(Photo by Charlie Neibergall - Associated Press)

From the Department of Rank Hypocrisy: Wa Po's "Reliable Source" column reports today that lesbo vice-presidential daughter Mary Cheney is with child. Read all about it here, but don't feel surprised if you feel a little burning in the back of your throat when you do. Cheney and her partner Heather Poe are due in late spring, which means the poster girls for right-wing sexual hypocrisy dutifully kept their mouths shut until after the mid-term elections. Can't you just hear the conversation down at Darth Vader's mansion? "Mom? Dad? We lost the House and Senate anyway, and this little critter is starting to make my tailored pants feel awfully snug. Okay if we go public with the glorious news?" "What? Oh, yeah, sure. And could you give the turkey baster back to George and Laura? They'll need it for Christmas dinner." Official word from the veep's office is, of course, that "The vice president and Mrs. Cheney are looking forward with eager anticipation to the arrival of their sixth grandchild."

Just to clarify: Roxie's World is totally down with the idea of gay families and lesbian motherhood. Where, after all, would I be without them? The hypocrisy here lies in the Cheney family actively campaigning for and being a part of the only presidential administration in American history to propose to amend the Constitution of the United States to enshrine bigotry toward a class of citizens. I don't care if they lamely acknowledged their "personal" opposition to the idea. They have sold their souls to a party and an administration that have consistently exploited homophobia for political gain. Roxie's World wishes great happiness for Cheney, Poe, and the child they are privileged enough to be able to bring into the world, but we consign them to the dog house for aiding and abetting sexual and familial inequality.

From the Department of Just Plain Rank: I pass along the full text of Wa Po's report on the plane brought down yesterday by a fart. No kidding, fans. You humans just slay me. Sometimes the truth is the funniest thing of all:

A jetliner from Washington made an emergency landing Monday in Nashville after passengers smelled matches being struck, a Nashville airport spokeswoman said.

Lynne Lowrance, spokeswoman for Nashville International Airport, said that a passenger on the Dallas-bound flight, which had originated at Reagan National Airport, had been striking matches to mask evidence of a troubled digestive system.

Lowrance said the pilot of American Airlines Flight 1053 asked at 6:25 a.m. Central time to make an emergency landing in response to passengers' concerns about the matches.

Lighting matches on a plane is prohibited, Lowrance said.

After landing, the 99 passengers and five crewmembers left the plane. Luggage was placed on the ground for dogs to sniff. In one part of the cabin, searchers found signs that matches had been lit.

Under "lengthy questioning" by the FBI, the passenger "did say she had some type of medical condition" that embarrassed her, Lowrance said. "She did admit to striking matches to conceal the odor." The woman was released but was not permitted to reboard the flight, Lowrance said.

The woman, who lives in Texas, was trying to get on another flight and apparently did, Lowrance said.

The woman was not identified.
Next time, m'am, leave the matches at home and put the Gas-X in your carry-on!

3 comments:

  1. You tell 'em, Roxie! My Mamas (the BasketCases) and I couldn't agree with you more about that hypocrite, Dick Cheney. They've been railing ever since they saw the paper this morning.

    As for farting on planes, well, come on, now, Roxie, we dogs silently cut the cheese a lot, don't we? Let's be a little sympathetic here! Of course, the secret to a good fart is to look around as though nothing has happened ("you think THAT came out of me?"), something that poor woman apparently hasn't learned!

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  2. Dudley the beagle11:39 PM EST

    Yeah, Roxie! As always, you have put your paw right on some serious confusion out there in human-being-land. For example, Carrie Gordon Earll of Focus on the Family, one of the organizations that supports Mary Cheney's dad when he's against gay rights but not when he's being a good father, says it is unwise for a child to be outside of a one-man, one-woman family: "Love can't replace a father and a mother." (OK, read that one again. Slowly. Yep, that's what she said!)

    This makes me very afraid for Lisa Beamer. It sounds like Carrie Gordon Earll wants to take away Lisa's two children, since their father Todd died in that United Flight 93 crash, and they don't have a mother AND a father. Presumably, Carrie will line up a family with both a father and a mother to give the Beamer kids away to. Maybe Charles and Camilla? Or Vladimir and Lyudmila Putin? Or if Howard Stern marries Beth Ostrosky, Carrie could give the Beamer kids to them! Or, hey, how about Ted and Gayle Haggard? He's a father, and she's a mother. That should do it!

    Too bad about Britney and Kevin--that would have been a nice pair of one-each-male-female parents. And I'm sure SO much better than Lisa Beamer trying to raise those kids alone.

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  3. First, a hearty welcome to RIPLEY, a 14-year old Cairn terrier who came to Roxie's World by way of the magic of Maryland Women's Basketball! Check out Ripley's moms' fabulous blog on DC-area women's hoops. It's at http://www.dcbasketcases.blogspot.com/

    Believe me, I didn't mean to cast any aspersions on FARTING, which is one of my favorite hobbies. We elderly dogs could give that poor woman on the plane a run for her money, couldn't we, Ripley? To me the funny, touching, human part of the whole thing was her desperate attempt to hide the evidence of her "problem." Dogs do not find such things embarrassing, and I've never figured out why humans do.

    It will be fun to see what the whole "family values" crowd does with the Mary Cheney story. Stay tuned, folks!

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