Monday, September 25, 2006

Save This Puppy!

Uh-oh, Friends of Roxie's World. It appears that a new front has opened up in the War on Terriers. Look at how this adorable Boston Terrier is being exploited in a new campaign ad by Maryland's stealth Republican senate candidate, Michael Steele. Steele's ads are clever--light as air, but effective at marketing him as charming and cool, aimed at inoculating him against negative attacks by positioning him as friendly and above the fray.

Fine, Mr. Steele, go ahead and offer yourself up as a pretty piece of non-partisan eye-candy (while relying on big-name Republicans [Bush, Cheney, and Rove] to raise money for you). But if you drag a TERRIER into your slippery business, you risk raising the ire of my legions of fans, who know cruelty to animals and other living things when they see it. Mr. Steele, terriers have no interest in being props in your vapid, slick campaign. Rather than being held in your lap, we'd rather be nipping at your heels or madly barking out the truth about you:

  • your lack of real experience in government (being lieutenant governor of Maryland barely counts as a job, much less as experience in government);
  • your far-right positions on reproductive freedom and stem-cell research;
  • your cynical attempts to conceal your party affiliation in a proud blue state where Democrats outnumber Republicans two to one.
Be a man, Mr. Steele. Let this puppy go, and have the guts to stand on your own--as what you really are.

5 comments:

  1. Hey, sis!

    Did you notice that Steele uses a "fake" Boston terrier in his latest ad? You have to look closely. When the camera jumps to the terrier looking confused, his swollen tongue hanging out of his mouth and what sounds like a muffled Scooby-do "Hmmph" coming from somewhere, it's actually a puppet! See! He doesn't really like dogs. He likes puppets that stand in for dogs. I bet you he even stuffed his hand up you-know-where to get that damn puppet to do what he wanted. He's even cruel to terrier puppets.

    What a world.

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  2. Mmm. . .I have to look at this ad much more closely. A puppet? Are you sure?

    But the Democratic response is great. One of the best counter-ads I've ever seen. 'tis lighthearted and generous in tone as it delivers facts that are devastatingly serious: Lt. Gov. Steele is anti-choice, pro-Iraq war ("I'm not going to sit and second-guess the President," Frederick News-Post, Aug 8, 2006). . .they could have gone on to say that he supports Bush's veto of embryonic stem cell research, is opposed to gay marriage, supports irresponsible cutting of taxes and wants to cut the supposed death tax, worries about business costs first when thinking about health care issues.

    VOTE FOR BEN CARDIN, MARYLANDERS! And thank you Roxie!!!
    --your Goose


    He needs to be clear on his stances.

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  3. Dudley the beagle3:30 PM EDT

    VOTE FOR STEELE!

    HE LOVES PUPPIES!

    AND HE'S NOT AFRAID TO SAY SO!!!

    What a brave man! Even though those "Washington Papers" want him to hate puppies, he WON'T DO IT!

    He even loves puppies while holding, . . . um . . . a full-grown dog. Maybe rethink that voting-for-Steele idea. The man seems a bit confused.

    Dudley

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  4. Hmmm, I'll have to go find the new ad and post it so that we can all weigh in on the puppy/puppet question.

    And, Dudley, you SCARED me there for a minute with that "Vote for Steele" stuff. Sometimes, your beagle irony confuses me. Terriers don't do irony.

    Love, Roxie

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  5. Dudley the beagle9:56 PM EDT

    Dear Roxie,

    Beagle irony? I don't know if scent hounds do irony. Sometimes, I wonder about that, when I'm not wondering whether androids dream of stuff like electric sheep. I wasn't actually being ironic. I wanted to vote for Mr. Steele for Mr. Puppy Loving Guy. I thought it would give him something to do in November when he doesn't have a job anymore. I think Mr. Cardin likes puppies, too, but he's going to be busy in November training for his SRX (Senatorial Representative Excellent) title.

    But then I started to nose around and found that Mr. Steele was trying to misdirect us. He called a small dog a puppy, just because it was small, thinking we would be too impressed by how cute it was to pay attention to whether holding a small dog for two seconds means he REALLY loves puppies.

    So, until I'm sure he loves puppies, he doesn't have my vote for Mr. Puppy Loving Guy. It turns out he isn't even knocking on the inside of my television set and politely introducing himself. So much for my vote for him as Mr. Polite and Charming Politician in My Television Set.

    I guess that's why beagles can't vote. I was almost fooled by a flashy, well-written ad with a cute dog. Fortunately, humans are too smart for that, right?

    Dudley

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