Bad Dog

When I was a pup, Moose took me to obedience school and did her level best to teach me how to be a good dog. The effort was not entirely successful, for I could never be convinced that "goodness" was necessarily the same as "obedience," in dogs or other living things. I was willing to sit, but I would never go into a down on command because the very idea offended me. In any case, Moose also once attended a 2-day sexual harassment seminar at the university, where she learned a lot about the ways in which people can be very "bad dogs" in the workplace. Though Moose and I may have different understandings of the relationship between goodness and obedience, we completely agree that George Bush's "massage" of German chancellor Angela Merkel at the G8 summit is a fine example of how powerful men should not behave with female co-workers, or anyone else for that matter. Bush's bizarre sneaking-up-from-behind attack reminds Moose of an uncle who used to come up behind her and poke her in the side with his fingers. To this day, she reacts to this kind of aggression with a blood-curdling scream and a look on her face very similar to the mixture of shock and horror on Chancellor Merkel's face. We think the president should have to spend a night or two in the dog house with Barney and Mrs. Beasley.

On the other hand, why punish good dogs for a dumb man's boorish behavior? Let the dogs keep poor Laura company inside and send the (p)resident outside where he belongs.